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FELIX HERNANDEZ And oh, yeah the Mariners beat the A's I guess

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The Mariners beat the A's on Sunday 3-4, sweeping the series and bringing them only a half game back from the Angels. Felix did a thing.

Jennifer Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Well today the Mariners beat the Oakland Athletics by a final score of 4-3, and in the process they notched their first home sweep of the season, regaining the best playoff and division odds in the AL West. Of course, that's all well and good, but what you're really here for is one single, special moment that people will be talking about for years to come. A tiny, perhaps five-second long event that lasted right around the middle of today's broadcast that


NO dammit, not that one, although you have to admit that you didn't exactly expect to see an homage to Seurat's A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte with speedo guy taking the center stage.

What I'm talking about, of course, is this:


This is an gif of Felix Hernandez notching his 2,000th career strikeout today, making him the fourth youngest pitcher in baseball history to achieve said milestone. In case you imagine this to be some daily occurrence, I would like to draw your attention to the following list:

List of things of which there are 2,000 of

  1. Years
  2. Cars, probably cars. I'll venture a guess to say there are 2,000 cars out there.
  3. There was that movie called Dracula 2000 a while back, but I'm not sure if that means there were 2,000 Draculas, or if it meant that there was a Dracula in the year 2,000--which as you will remember, is one of the things of which there are 2,000 of.
  4. Felix Hernandez strikeouts.
We should stop for a moment to realize how crazy it is that we are fans of a baseball club that employs a pitcher under the age of 30 who has made it very clear that he doesn't want to leave the city--who has never gotten hurt and has a perfect game under his belt, who has an alter ego in television commercials and nearly lost his house in a fire and then had one of his best friend's wives steal a credit card to go on a shopping spree. And then after all that he just takes a dip inside his baseball-shaped hot tub and then strikes out 2,000 of the best baseball players in the world.

Yeah, that's all well and good. But maybe it's all just for show, right? A put on. There's no way such a rich and successful athlete would actually show consideration or empathy towards another human being if it wasn't a PR move because I mean ah wait shit
Yeah, we're pretty damn spoiled. It remains to be seen how close Felix will get to Nolan Ryan's nearly 6,000 strikeouts, but even if his arm falls off tomorrow and he lasts another five years as a shell of his former self, he's already probably going to the Hall of Fame and could very well be one of the most important athletes in the history of the Pacific Northwest. Oh yeah, and the Mariners won the game too.

The A's got on board first after Marcus Semien hit a dinger off Felix in the third inning. Then there were a bunch more strikeouts and weak singles stranded on base. Then Marcus Semien hit another dinger in the eighth and Felix may have found his kryptonite. Except not because Felix has 2,000 strikeouts and Marcus Semien does not have...whatever the offensive equivalent is.

Speaking of offense, the M's looked pretty competent all day despite Rickie Weeks pushing a little too much during a few at bats. He did walk twice. Kyle Seager was a few feet short of a dinger but tied up the game with, as's highlight page specifies, a pink bat in the bottom of the fourth. Ack checked in a few moments later with a double of his own and it really looked like a turn has been made in recent days, a turn that includes professional baseball players playing like professional baseball players. That said, it's going to be fun to bitch again when they are no hit into the sixth next week.

So Felix had a big day, and the rest of the Mariners did too. But that sentence rings true perhaps for none more than Jesus Sucre, backup catcher aficionado and post-game-swearer that I honestly had to even remember was a Mariner when looking at the lineup this morning. It's partly my own fault--missing his few recent starts--but in the process it is easy to forget just why he's on the big league club. Everyone needs at least one backup catcher, and don't forget that last season they shipped off John Buck on his birthday because a few of the guys in the bullpen were complaining about receiving, and Sucre was the answer.

This afternoon, Sucre grabbed a bunch of corner pitches (including Rodney's final "strike" of the game, which, ah yes), and plopped his first hit of the season into shallow right. On top of all that, just check this out:

I know what you're thinking, and I thought the same thing while watching that gif. Damn. Sucre is the only guy today who pulled off that pink-and-cream-combo to any degree of efficacy. Pitch framer, nice guy, and dang looker-gooder. We could be rooting for worse.

The M's head into a day off tomorrow only three games under .500 and look to pick up some serious ground in the days to come. It almost didn't even happen, with Rodney giving up a dinger to make it a one-run game before finally settling down to earn his ninth save of the season. And the only reason it didn't ruin the whole thing was because the other punks decided they should tack on a run or two in the middle of the game. Which, I mean, better to figure that out now rather than September.

Till then,