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LWAR Projections for the 2015 Seattle Mariners

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I'm sorry, a lower case l is basically an i.

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Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Here is the 2015 edition.  The algorithms for last year's gWAR version were bought by a Russian billionaire and I'm not allowed to use them anymore.  Which is good because gWAR is very time intensive and expensive what with all the scientists involved.  If you don't know what I'm talking about this is the place I would link to last year's article but part of the sale was not being able to link to it and I don't need to add to the list of Russians who want to kill me.  And I don't have time to put in a link, if I could, which I won't.  The basics behind gWAR were that it was a projection system combined with a new way to calculate WAR.

LWAR is basically the same but it stands for laz-... some L-word Wins Above Replacement.  It's just gWAR but with all the hundreds of scientists and doctors and faith healers and psychologists fired and replaced with my dogs and children and that free internet artificial intelligence that you can ask questions.  It's also late because.  I don't have the time to figure out how to end this paragraph goodly.

Without further work, here are the LWAR projections for the Mariners this season:

PITCHERS

Felix 4WAR Iwakuma 4 Walker 4 Paxton 4 Happ 4 bunch of relievers like 4 total and Rodney and Sassafras or whatever the name of that other closer type guy who closed before Rodney is 4.

NOT PITCHERS

Cano and Seager are like 5 or 7 each and the outfield platoon is also 5 or 7 or in between.  Miller and Taylor are 5ish together and first basemen are a positive WAR.  The other positions that aren't pitchers are between 5 and 7 LWAR.  And then I don't know, add a couple extra LWAR for managers and GM's and coaches and fans and announcers because they aren't pitchers either.

{Insert picture of LWAR dog and child team later]

CONCLUSIONS

The first conclusion is that I would not have wasted my time reading this.

The second conclusion is that LWAR projects something like 40 or 60 WARs for the 2015 Mariners which combined with the base win total that I looked up last year and can't be bothered to look up this year is something like 90 or 100 wins.

More words more words more words more words more words 400 words.