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Mariners win, and also lose

The Mariners won and lost each of their split-squad games today, falling 4-3 to the Arizona Diamondbacks but beating the White Sox, 11-7. Rickie Weeks hit a gigantic homer.

here is a picture of hector noesi for you
here is a picture of hector noesi for you
Rich Pilling/Getty Images

Today the Mariners did their best to take advantage of a split-squad day by both winning and losing at the same time, and they did it all without letting any of us watch. How are you to know I'm not about to make up everything I'm about to tell you? Perhaps Rick Rizzs and Aaron Goldsmith and the intern that updates MLB's gameday app are all complicit in the scheme. Who knows? There aren't even any pictures in the phototool! You have no way of knowing if any of this is true!

In the end, you'll just have to take my word for it. That, my friends, is dangerous power. So what do we want to say happened?

Mariners 3, Diamondbacks 4

In this here game that you didn't see but possibly listened to, the Mariners did lots of things that were fun and dandy, but then they lost to the Diamondbacks when Mr. One-Pitch-Strikeout Justin Germano gave up two runs in the top of the ninth to blow the M's lead. Which is unfortunate, because it ruined:

  1. Hisashi Iwakuma throwing two perfect innings in his spring debut, already hitting 90 on his sinker and generating five ground-ball outs.
  2. Dominic Leone running into a little trouble with some wild pitches, but hitting 95 with an impressive four-pitch strikeout of Danny Worth.
  3. M's Rule 5 pick David Rollins making his spring debut and--just like Jack Zduriencik said--reaching 95 from the left side on his final pitch, striking out Nick Buss with the additional help of an 85 mph cutter.
  4. Rickie Weeks hitting a dinger over the gigantic batter's-eye in centerfield that was only this season declared out of play, which could have reminded you of something Carlos Peguero would do, except for the fact that Peguero is in the Rangers' camp and also because Rickie Weeks is not Carlos Peguero.
  5. Each expected regular 2015 Mariner contributor in Austin Jackson, Nelson Cruz, Mike Zunino, and possibly D.J. Peterson tallying hits for the day, including some help from Jesus Sucre and Chris Taylor.
  6. Gabby Guerrero, nephew of Vladimir Guerrerohitting a triple on the second pitch of his first spring training at-bat in a fashion that looked extremely familiar to remind you that Jack Z's imagined prospect pipeline may not have to be as illusory as your gut tells you it is.
But alas, so goes life, and Germano will surely be feeling the pressure of dropping such an important game to the team whose name is sprawled across his chest. Or not. I mean, it may not have even happened. And therein lies the question: how much weight, how much importance can we transcribe on events with no direct correlation to our experience of them? Did the Mariners lose today? Hell, did they even play baseball? Who knows. Because down the street, a group of men wearing the same uniforms, calling themselves by the same name won a baseball game:

Mariners 11, White Sox 7

This time around, the "Mariners" wholly walloped the Chicago White Sox until they gave up a whole bunch of runs in the eighth inning, but then they sort of let the walloping continue by ending the game with the lead still intact. And here, my friends, is the paradox.

The last game--which remember, has at least a radio broadcast to attest to its veracity--owns a much more tenuous grip on believability than this here game, even with no broadcast media there to document it, relying only on word of mouth and a few Twitter accounts from embedded reporters. Don't believe me? Listen to these events and then tell me, Mariners fan, if anything sounds out of the ordinary to you:
  1. The Mariners faced arch-nemesis Hector Noesi, fighting for a rotation spot despite the team's spring loss of Chris Sale, and then couldn't do anything against him. The same Hector Noesi who blew that A's game last year, the same Hector Noesi who used to sprinkle salt in open wounds he would inflict on you with only a fingernail file and nylon gloves (what, he isn't going to do anything too exciting and you know it), the same Hector Noesi who then went through two organizations only to do things like meet his former club and troll them with efficient pitching.
  2. The Mariners also scored 11 runs. But they scored 11 runs not because they had a lineup filled with dangerous power hitters, rather, they strung together hit after hit from people named Jordy Lara, Ian Miller, Ketel Marte, and two exciting up-and-coming prospects named Dustin Ackley and Brad Miller. They did this not as an example of exuberant bravado, but because they sometimes do things that are completely insane.
  3. There were some, I guess, pitching prospects in this game, but their relative obscurity and lack of possible big-league production doesn't quite allow for you to care when they show off their rust and scratches. Alright, fine, Carson Smith pitched an inning with a walk, but are you really torn up that Scott DeCecco have up two hits and a run in his one inning today? Are you really upset that Sam Gaviglio, acquired in the Ty Kelly trade, gave up six hits and five runs, or are you going to maybe be more interested in what he does in Tacoma this year, considering that's like, what the Minor Leagues are for? Are you peeved that Jeffrey Rondones hit Adam LaRoche in the back after losing command and loading the bases? No you aren't, because I just made that name up. See? Who knows if any of this is even real?
  4. Justin Ruggiano, owner of a recent 113 wRC+, hit a dinger for the Mariners.
  5. James Jones, future Tacoma Rainiers outfielder, grounded into a forceout and probably speedily beat the throw to first. Who knows if there was even a throw. I don't know, but tell me that that sentence doesn't sound like something James Jones would do.
See how this works? Spring Training. Who knows? You don't. James Jones doesn't. Rickie Weeks doesn't, and Lloyd may, but he actually doesn't either. Someone once told me "If we don't ROOT, then do they even play?" In any situation, today we found our answer. And we still know nothing. Onwards and upwards, friends.