A NEW ERA
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On Friday, Star Wars: The Force Awakens was released internationally after years of anticipation. I won’t spoil anything (NO SPOILERS), I’ll just say it brought me great joy. In an effort to #synergize our #content, I’ve paired characters from the Star Wars saga with some of the most familiar names in Mariners history. These are two of my favorite things mashed together, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Thanks to Jose for providing the awesome images throughout the article.
Luke Skywalker – Felix Hernandez
The hero and champion through the dark times, Felix was once just a kid who wanted to pick up some power converters from Tacoma. He quickly became an icon for the Mariners’ cause and has shown his loyalty again and again despite brushes with the dark side. Fortunately for us, Felix hasn’t yet lost his pitching hand in a tragic lightsaber battle.
Han Solo – Ichiro Suzuki
The smuggler with swagger, Ichiro’s methods may be unconventional but you have to admit they are effective. Every time Ichiro makes the Second Base Run in under 12 parsecs, you can’t help but be impressed with his skills.
Leia Organa – Jay Buhner
Well known for his hairstyle, Buhner’s strong-willed personality is often on display on the field. His commanding presence and quick wit make him an excellent champion of the Mariners’ cause.
Chewbacca – Randy Johnson
This beast of a pitcher is a wild blur of hair and limbs as his blaster bolts speed towards enemy hitters. Off the mound, he’s as loveable as a large teddy bear—just don’t try to beat him in a game of Dejarik.
C-3PO – Mike Zunino
Mike Zunino is familiar with over six million forms of pitch framing, but unfortunately, completely incompetent in all other areas. He continues to step up to the plate only to get blasted by Tusken Raiders and Stormtroopers, but one day we may worship him as a god.
R2-D2 – Raul Ibanez
Raul Ibanez is a trusted utility player who has played all sorts of roles for the Mariners. As he’s aged, he’s learned some new tricks while finding new ways to endear himself to the Mariners.
Anakin Skywalker – Ken Griffey Jr.
The chosen one. As a young player, he was the champion of the Mariners and should have been the one to hold the Commissioner’s Trophy, but he would eventually succumb to the temptation of the dark side. Only after years of tyranny in the National League would he return to the light side to pass on his legacy to young Felix Hernandez.
Obi-Wan Kenobi – Edgar Martinez
A powerful Jedi Master who joined the Mariners as a young Padawan. He was a celebrated Jedi Knight who may have been overshadowed by a few other, more powerful Jedi, but nonetheless should be memorialized in the Jedi Temple. He’s now training the next generation of Mariners in their fight against the evil AL West.
Yoda – Jamie Moyer
The ageless Jedi Master, powerful in the ways of the changeup. He’s been playing baseball for hundreds of years and is still making enemy batters look silly.
Emperor Palpatine – Alex Rodriguez
Alex Rodriguez was once a promising, young Mariner who once saved the American League West with Ken Griffey Jr. and Edgar Martinez. He revealed himself to be a Dark Lord of the Sith and has clashed with the Mariners as a member of the Rangers Republic and the Yankees Empire.
Lando Calrissian – Robinson Cano
Suave, smooth, and charming. From his quick wrists in the batter’s box to his steady hands in the field, Robinson Cano makes everything seem so easy. He once made a deal with the Yankees Empire but has since seen the light and is now leading the Mariners in their last ditch attempt to win the World Series.
Wedge Antilles – Kyle Seager
Often overlooked in favor of some of the other stars on the team, Kyle Seager has been a steady contributor to the team and has been critical to some of the Mariners’ greatest victories.
Jar Jar Binks – Chone Figgins
The bumbling fool. Chone Figgins was the butt of more jokes than hits as a Mariner. Still a subject of much derision and angst, his failure won’t be soon forgotten.
May the Mariners be with you!