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The Mariners holiday gift guide

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Have a holly jolly holiday season

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Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night
Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

Happy Holidays! It's a time for family, and celebrations, joyful meals and Winter Meetings. Uncle Jerry is making his list and checking it twice... and opening his presents really, really early. Like Sally in A Charlie Brown Christmas, all he wants is what he has coming to him. All he wants is his fair share.

So what do you get for the Mariners fan who already has everything? Or at least, who has recently acquired a credible centerfielder and catcher? I'm glad you asked. Here are a couple of ideas to get you started.

Game Used Jerseys offer such a range of possibilities. Your hipster cousin Eric? You know, fuckin' Eric? Who likes mason jars, and artisanal WHIPs, pickled chocolate? Who told your Grandma that he's not really doing red and green together so he doesn't want to be in the family Christmas photo, which made Grandma sad, and really what are we supposed to do with all her handmade knit hats, Eric? SHE MADE THEM! That cousin Eric? Well what better option than a Bobby LaFramboise jersey! Is Bobby LaFramboise as precious and wee as his name suggests? No no no. Is he good at baseball? Nah. Will Cousin Eric know that? Absolutely not. Fuckin' Eric.

Or you can get this game worn Wedge jersey. You know, if you have some coin to spend on an artifact for ritual sacrifice, or to leave on the doorstep of your neighbor before driving away really fast.

Remember in 2014 when Felix Hernandez was really good (read: 2014)? There was a stretch in there where the King recorded 16 consecutive ultra quality starts, which made us all Very Happy because the King was Very Good. As a reminder, an ultra quality start is a start where the pitcher goes 7 innings or more and gives up 2 or fewer runs. We sort of made it up because quality starts are too pedestrian to define the sort of run Felix was on and we felt pretty fancy about it. So on the odd chance you walked away from one of those games with a baseball, here's a cool stand for you! Oh yeah, a ball from one of those starts is not included. So this the baseball equivalent of unwrapping Fallout 4, opening the case, and finding... nothing.

Do your friends have thin, spindly caves? You know, ones that will stretch out a design, but not so greatly that it becomes indistinguishable as a human face? Do your friends like Robinson Cano? Well then I have the gift for you. You could try to get these for Kyle Seager, but I think I bought them all. I bought all the Seager socks. Like a weirdly specific Grinch.

Felix Navidad

Felix Navidad

Felix Navidad

Prospero año y Felixidad

"On Edgar, On Ichiro, On Moyer! On Wilson, on Cameron, and Melvin!" "Grandpa, did you get this lunch box for me, or for..." "VIVA LA MOJO... VIVA LA MOJO... VIVA... VIVA... LA MOJOOOOOOOO" "But no really, Grandpa, can I please have my-"

Oh god, why did we think this was a good idea? Why Mr. Santa Claus? Why?

"Is Griffey going to be a first ballot Hall of Famer?" (Bobble nods vigorously) "Are you excited to see The Double replayed approximately 97,000 times between now and the induction ceremony?" (Bobble nods vigorously). "Are you a little sad that Edgar will probably be watching from the dugout, helpful to convince Hall of Fame voters that he belongs in the Hall, despite all the compelling evidence?" (Bobble nods vigorously, pens letter to local congressional representative in protest.)

From our Lookout family to yours, we wish you a joyful holiday season! Go M's.