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A Mariners Thanksgiving

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Carve it up.

I am thankful for Jose I am thankful for Jose I am
I am thankful for Jose I am thankful for Jose I am

Scott Servais: Ok you guys I just wanted to say again how much I appreciate all of you making this work. I know you're all busy, many of you with families, but I really think an oppurtunity for all of us to get together as a team and get to know each other is invaluable. My experience as a manager may not be what most of you are looking for but I just want to emphasize how much I think my experience

/enthusiastic, ever so slightly non-genuine laughter drowns out everything

Jerry Dipoto: OK thanks Scott I'm so glad that you made it down all of you have a look at this spread I have for you! Believe it or not a week ago this was 14 AAA batteries, a DVD copy of Wild Things and a half gallon of milk that expires on December 7th. But I love trades you guys! I've been watching these videos on YouTube, and I think Craigslist Joe is one of the finest documentaries of the last decade the point is I love trades and I made some trades you guys and look at this beautiful spread before you. Scott and I have agreed this is the best Thanksgiving we've ever seen.

Robinson Cano: Oh my god you guys this looks great thank you. What did this cost? $50k? $75k?

Servais: What? No. I don't know what Jerry is talking about my wife and I just went down to Fred Meyer a few days ago. Whole thing cost about $100.

Cano: Are you serious? I had meals last week in Dubai and I swear stuff like this was at least $25,000.

Kyle Seager: (muffled from under the table) /grunt You guys the turkey is fine but the bean casserole, the potatoes, the cranberry sauce, don't even get me started on the pie, it's all filled with fatty acids and the worst kind of carbs. Just stay away from it.

Seth Smith: Are you.......squatting the dinner table?

Seager: Success knows no off days! Winning is pain leaving the body! I am a winner! A champion! /grunt (Why can't you be more like Cory? Cory plays shortstop! Cory has hair!) /grunt

Ketel Marte: Look I'm very happy to be here but I don't really like any of this food and honestly I feel like Kyle might be right about the nutrition and

Mark Trumbo: MORE GRAVY

Seager: Mark do you know how many calories are in that gravy?

Trumbo: IT TASTES DELICIOUS EVERYONE AGREES THE GRAVY IS GOOD! MORE GRAVY!

Cano: When I was in an island off Portugal they gave us a gravy that was reduced blubber of blue whale. The biggest animal the earth ever produced! You can't believe how rich it is! Only 3 of them in the whole planet left! Each ounce costs about half a million dollars but with that kind of flavor...

Nelson Cruz: /huge smile Look you guys there's no need to argue or talk about negative things the important thing is we are here and that I have never had a cavity and also that my suits are all custom made I don't even lift this is just the way it is also look hitting is not that hard you see the ball comes in and if it is in the bad zone you swing and try to hit a single. If it is in the good zone you swing and try to hit a home run. That's what I do.

/huge smile continues

Felix Hernandez: You idiots I have no idea what you all are talking about. I make the turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, olives, and any other crap you doofuses want to try and make it better than you. Everyone loves my food, it's great, and you just should do it more like I do it.

James Paxton: Did someone say pumpkin pie?

Franklin Gutierrez: Enough with the arguing! Today is a day for giving thanks! I am grateful that I can grasp this fork, and this knife. I am happy that this bite of turkey doesn't slide immediately from my esophagus out of a hole in my stomach lining. Every day is a blessing. We are alive. It is enough.

Seth Smith: Seriously' y'all talk like this is a Thanksgiving meal y'all ain't barely et and there ain't all that much food. Back when I was practicing throwing slants, gos, and curls down on the banks of the mighty Mississip we'd have a deep fried ostrich after practice. On a Tuesday! We'd dip it in melted lard for the hell of it and because the fat cushioned hits and helped us stay healthy on Saturdays. Also it was tradition down south and what not.

Taijuan Walker: You dudes do whatever, eat whatever, and argue about whatever. I got these Air Yeezys, my Tinder is blowing up and I don't really care Imma be at the movies by four anyway cuz she's crushing on this dinosaur flick so pass me them beans.

Paxton: Seriously where is the pie?

Carson Smith: /fires six shooter into the ceiling YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAW I AM READY FOR SOME GOT DANG DINNER Y'ALL PASS THEM GRITS AND GREENS LETS GET DOWN TO IT WHERE THAT ROAST PIG?

Seager: /grunts there is no hog. /grunts you know our fitness is our careers /grunts my infield pop out rate is too high /grunts

Mike Zunino: Oh my god I can't believe you guys let me come

Servais: Hey wait yeah who let him in?

Tim Bogar: /muttering Watch the throne mf'er.

Zunino: I will literally eat anything you give me. I do not care. Put some ice cream on the turkey and then add some oysters I can and will eat it.

Cano: ANYWAY so the duchess and I were discussing the state of the kingdom's polo squad for the upcoming cup....

Paxton: LIkE THE HOUSE CUP!?!? Ten Points for House Cano for that reference!

Cano: Stop talking to me.

Paxton: I just wanted pie.

Guti: Life is a miracle, and the fortunate are those that make everyday a celebration of that fact.

Felix: I would strike all of you out. Like, right now.You are all so bad at baseball and have made my life, which should be an exercise in joy and contentment with my family and finances, an exhasuting test of endurance and pain tolerance. What do you give to the man who has everything? How about some damn run support!

Chris Taylor: Do you guys think this facial hair is cool?

Cano: No one likes a copycat whatever your name is.

Taylor: /weeps softly

Jerry Dipoto: SO YES THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE THOSE OF YOU WHOM I HAVEN'T TRADED SINCE THIS CONVERSATION STARTED, WHICH IS FOUR OF YOU I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS UPCOMING SEASON AND I'M GLAD ABOUT YOU BEING HERE LET US GIVE THANKS FOR EACH OTHER THIS TIME AND THE LIMITLESS POSSIBILITY OF TOMORROW!

Edgar Martinez: (I do not know what is going on)

Edgar Clap

Seager: /grunt

(Happy Thanksgiving LL, I am thankful for you.)