Steven Matz was born in 1991, which means he shouldn't even be old enough to drive a car, let alone start game 4 of the World Series. Nonetheless, time decided it was best to continue onward and now it's 2015. Steven Matz isn't even all that young anymore. You are very old.
Perhaps you are not as old as Chris Young, however. You almost certainly are not as tall. There's a small (but not minute) chance that at some point at your peak you could throw a baseball around as hard as Chris Young can. But you've never done it in the World Series. Chris Young is amazing and I love him.
The World Series will not be decided tonight, and that's a good thing. With Noah Syndergaard (who was born in 1992, you ancient son of a bitch) ensuring that the series is both elongated and "dramatic" by buzzing Alcides Escobar's tower last night we're at least not going to have a horrible, boring World Series. That is nice. We are, after all, Mariner fans. We need a break from horrible and boring.
Comment thee here, share your best/worst Halloween stories. Ignore the Trick Or Treaters, unless they are older than 12. Then shame them, shame them mightily for they are teenagers, who deserve it for something even if not for being too old to Trick Or Treat.