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2015 Seattle Mariners as types of Halloween candy

Happy Halloween!

There are some very talented pumpkin carvers in the M's fanbase.
There are some very talented pumpkin carvers in the M's fanbase.

Happy Halloween, Lookout Landers. It's the super official start to the holiday season! I hope you're prepared to be inundated with Christmas commercials for the next 55 days. The weather today seems to be a perfect mix of blustery and stormy and maybe even a little bit spooky. Whether you're taking your little ones trick-or-treating (I imagine that most of us are probably a little old for trick-or-treating ourselves - if you're not, I apologize for all the swears on this site), going to a costume party, or staying in to watch baseball/root for the Huskies/hand out candy, I hope that everyone has safe, fun, and memorable evening. In an attempt to help get you a little bit more into the holiday spirit, here is a short list of some Mariners players as types of Halloween candy.

Good & Plentys: Mark Trumbo

Mark Trumbo actually ended up being fairly GOOD (at least offensively) for the Mariners last season. That being said, anytime I saw him out in the field I couldn't help but feel like I'd seen more than enough of him (i.e., I'd had PLENTY of him). Also, like the flavor of licorice, some people love him while others aren't so keen.

Werther's Original: Kyle Seager

Sweet but not exceptionally flashy? Yes. Underrated? Definitely. Something your grandma/grandpa would probably appreciate? If they have good taste, yes. Wrapped in gold? You betcha. (Much to the chagrin of Mr. Josh Donaldson). Lasts for a long time? Let's hope so.

This is a face a person might make while enjoying a delicious, caramelly Werther's hard candy.

Saltwater Taffy: Robinson Cano

Like saltwater taffy, Robbie is one smooth dude. He's a little sweet and dammit if saltwater and mariners don't go together exceptionally well. Sometimes, when taffy sits around for awhile, it gets a little hard and you're worried that it might be spoiled... but then all you have to do is chew on it for awhile, give it a little bit of time, and you realize it's just about as delicious as it ever was.

Laffy Taffy: Ketel Marte

Like Laffy Taffy, Marte is so much fun. And pretty flexible. He also seems like he'd be very quick with a joke and even quicker with a smile. Dude always looks like he's having the best time out on the field. Additionally, Laffy Taffy is basically just a young/less mature version of saltwater taffy. (Shut up. This isn't a forced narrative. It makes perfect sense.)

ZERO bar: Vidal Nuno

Nuño's 2015 fWAR is reflected in the name of this candy bar. Womp. However, this shouldn't necessarily be construed as a knock against Nuño's contribution to the team this year; 11 of the 32 players on the '15 Mariners with 20+ IP or 100+ PA had negative fWARs. Kudos to Nuño for not being a black hole of despair! (I do like Nuño; it'll be interesting to see how the Mariners use him going forward.)

Bottlecaps: Tom Wilhelmsen

Effervescent (such bubbly dance moves). Sweet (he's always struck me as being very kind/thoughtful during interviews). Fun (engages in ridiculous antics in the bullpen). Isn't out of place behind the bar (we all know the story, but it's still such a good story). This is the perfect candy for describing Tom.

Skor: Nelson Cruz

The 2015 Mariners run, home run, and RBI leader, Nellie could really be counted on to push runs across the plate and help his team... score. Additionally, the CRUNCH that occurs when biting into the delicious toffee center of a Skor bar is not terribly dissimilar from the sound that Cruz's bat makes as he mashes another fastball for a dinger.

Take 5: Brad Miller

As one of the Mariners most athletic/toolsiest (but in a good way) individuals, it's still not hard to envision Brad becoming a very good MLB player. All of the appropriate ingredients are there; he has the ability to field (pretzels), hit for power (caramel), throw the ball (peanuts), run around quickly with his crazy legs (peanut butter), and hit for average (chocolate). (Recall that you only have to be ~average at each of these skills to be considered a five-tool player). Admittedly, Brad's peanuts and pretzels are a little bit too crunchy sometimes - they could probably be smoother/more refined so as not to stick in your teeth as often - but he is still fun and good.

Circus peanuts: Willie Bloomquist

This one seems fairly self-explanatory.


*I'd like to thank Brendan and Meg for helpin' me come up with a few these ideas. Thanks, guys!

**I also did a dumb/silly post last year on Halloween. Click here if you missed it/would like to see it again.