An average post about the Seattle Mariners

This past week saw the Mets and the Royals do good baseball things and advance to the 2015 World Series. Each team got to celebrate by dousing all of their buddies with bubbly booze, which seems like it would be pretty fun. Sadly, the Mariners did not make the playoffs, so they have not had any baseball-related fun since their season ended. However, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't have a good time. Below are some random/silly/fun "facts" related to your 2015 Seattle Mariners.

2015 Mariners average hitting performance

Last season, the Seattle Mariners hit 0.249/0.311/0.411 with a wRC+ of 100. Among all 3879 qualified hitters in MLB history, the player with the career numbers that most closely resemble the offensive prowess of this team (in terms of their triple slash line and wRC+) is...

...

.....

.......

.....

...

Welington Castillo!

Castillo has a career triple slash line of 0.251/0.316/0.414 with a wRC+ of 100. This is ridiculous! Midway through the season the Mariners traded for the most Mariners player, started him for just four games, and then immediately traded him away. In a way, it's as if they traded away their very essence. Their SoDo Mojo. Their blue to which they are true. No wonder they ended up missing the playoffs.

2015 Mariners average pitching performance

On the other side of the ball, Mariners pitching in 2015 was fairly lackluster. The team combined for an uninspiring ERA/FIP/xFIP triple slash line of 4.16/4.14/3.99. The player whose career has most closely mirrored these numbers is Mr. Wandy Rodriguez, who has compiled a stat line of 4.10/4.13/3.99. Wandy started 15 games for the Rangers this season but was released at the beginning of August.

So the Most Mariners players in 2015 were Castillo and Rodriguez. If we smoosh these guys faces together we get the following:

This is actually one of the more believable face mashups that I have seen. It's not even scary at all! Good job, Mariners.

2015 Mariners average player size

The average player on the Mariners active roster measures in at 6'2" and 210 pounds. It is noteworthy that the Mariners actually have someone on their roster who matches these exact specifications: John Hicks! It's probably somewhat fitting that the average 2015 Mariner is built like a backup catcher.

2015 Mariners average birthplace

Here, I've found the geographic midpoint for the birthplaces of all of the men that are currently on the Mariners 40-man roster. This location falls in the small town of Waynesboro, MS, which is about 120 miles SE of Jackson, MS (where Seth Smith was born). It has a population of just 5197 people. According to Wikipedia, three MLB players have been born there: Claude Passeau (1909), Paul Busby (1918), and Jeff Branson (1967). Passeau was a four-time All-Star who pitched for the Cubs in the 1945 World Series and put up a career fWAR of 47.3 (higher than Johan Santana).

2015 Mariners average ocular pigmentation (I don't know, why not?)

Below is an image showing the eye color of the 10 gentlemen who graced the Mariners Opening Day lineup in 2015 (the iris colors were averaged from Spring Training photos) . If you're up for it, take a guess and try and identify which color belongs to which player before clicking HERE to find out. (If you're somehow offended/in disbelief about these colors, I apologize; I wasn't using the most sophisticated analysis software and the lighting in the pictures was a little inconsistent. If you think that Kyle's/Dustin's/Felix's eyes are more BEAUTIFUL than the colors displayed below that's fine. I believe you. Please don't be upset.)

- - -

So there you have it. A few random Mariners-related things to help you start your weekend. Now go watch some college football, eat some soup, and enjoy your Saturday.