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Mariners turn Arlington into Safeco, no not that way

Here was a baseball game worthy of a recap of the following quality.

Johnny's bored
Johnny's bored
Ronald Martinez

We are late on this recap and we apologize. We have children, which is a foolish thing to have and we recommend none of you ever do the same. This game was terrible and annoying and somehow the 2nd worst thing to happen to the Mariners today. We are going straight to the bullet points. We will not make a habit of the royal we.

  • Going back to last Friday, the beginning of the 2nd Oakland series and through tonight's game the Mariners have drawn 3 walks. That's three walks in 45 innings. They have struck out 43 times during those 5 games. 43K/3BB ratio over 5 games. 

    Felix Hernandez is off to an absolutely amazing start, even for him.  Through 3 starts he has a 30K/2BB ratio. The Mariners have spent the majority of the last week's games hitting like they have faced 2014 Felix Hernandez every inning of those games. Which I mean c'mon even he can't pitch everyday let alone against his own team oh god pitchers.......sniff......
  • I'm not proclaiming the Mariners offense in '14 a disaster.  There are some good bats. Lord knows Robinson Cano doesn't even look like he's getting started and he has .315 wOBA while playing good defense at a premium position. Corey Hart has flashed power. Mike Zunino seems neat.

    The Mariners' offense isn't hopeless. It's just mostly sucked so far this year. This season is 13 games old. We are still very much in the "nothing means anything" stage. Unless, of course, it does. God I hope it doesn't.
  • Before the season started, back when we were wailing about things like Randy Wolf, I remember thinking about how excited I was to watch 150+ games of Robinson Cano and Brad Miller turn double plays. I still very much feel that way:

  • Blake Beavan was not himself through his 4 innings of work. Well his results were exactly himself. Actually the main results based crime I can fault Beavan with is giving up Prince Fielder's 1st home run as a Ranger. I can do this because Prince Fielder has been awful. Prince Fielder, who from 2006-2012 hit 30+ home runs every year. Prince Fielder who is 29. Prince Fielder who has basically Mike Trout's contract left on his deal after this year.

    I know I'm right to be mad at Blake Beavan for sucking and giving up a home run to Prince Fielder. But I'm unsure if Mariner fans or Ranger fans should feel worse about it.

    Anyway Beavan's stuff? Not good, even for him. Whereas in 2013 Beavan's fastball average 89.7 MPH tonight's start, according to Brooks, was at an even 88.0. This chart will help demonstrate that Beavan's velocity did indeed appear a tick or two low:


    After the game news trickled down that Beavan could "not get his shoulder loosewhichjust, argh. Beavan's status will be re-evaluated tomorrow.

  • Speaking of tomorrow GUESS WHAT?! There is a Mariner game. You get tonight and tomorrow to forget everything about today. Get it all out. Play some FIFA. Have a scotch. Take your iPhone apart and replace the battery. Whoops you screwed it up dummy now you need a new phone. Well now you need to forget about that too because tomorrow we get Felix Vs. Yu Darvish.

    Yu Darvish is one of the very best pitchers in all of baseball. He is partially responsible for arguably my favorite baseball gif of 2013. He and the Astros are in an eternal one hitter troll off. He has yet to allow a run in 2 starts this year. He has a 7.5/1 K/BB ratio.

    He will be the second best pitcher in the game tomorrow.