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The Seattle Mariners franchise and the Yelp experience

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Part two of a worthless series.

Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

While wasting too much time on Yelp last week, I discovered something that is still baffles me today, despite close to 10,080 minutes of attempted comprehension. Apparently you can rate everything on Yelp, including professional sports teams.

As to who reads these reviews in the organization, I have no idea. As to who decides to write these reviews and why, again I have no idea other than the blanket explanation that many Yelpers are crazed individuals who cannot be stopped.

But in the spirit of the holidays, where what we need is some good tiding and cheer, I figured I'd take the time to see once again how all the teams in the MLB stand up on Yelp. First, a little bit of overall observations when perusing the "data".

  • Bay Area folks are active Yelpers, understandably so. San Francisco Giants fans are also the worst Yelpers on the planet. The Dodgers' Yelp page was riddled with Giants fans taking the time out of their day to rate an opposing team and adding constructive dialogue to the conversation by generally saying, "Dodgers suck."
  • I was surprised to see so many reviews for both the Chicago Cubs and the Chicago White Sox. The Cubs also suffered from Dodgers' Syndrome and many of their reviews weren't from the die-hard cubbies but the team to the south.
  • Many people posting on the Athletics' page also suffered from Giants fans and their good-natured ribbing.
  • Approximately 50 percent of one-star reviews seemed to be directly related to the stadium. Most often, the less words per one-star review, the more the teams page had a simple, "These guys suck" message. Occasionally, incredibly wordy diatribes took place.

Now for the "data".

team one-star total reviews words per one-star
Angels n/a n/a n/a
Astros

3

22 105.66
Athletics 22 264 160.68
Blue Jays 0 19 n/a
Braves 5 33 213.6
Brewers 0 8 n/a
Cardinals 0 15 n/a
Cubs 22 101 98.77
Diamondbacks 0 25 n/a
Dodgers 39 192 68.77
Giants 20 311 151.65
Indians 1 25 53
Mariners 6 46 32
Marlins n/a n/a n/a
Mets 4 53 84
Nationals 10 37 143.8
Orioles 4 19 198.5
Padres 8 77 104
Phillies 4 86 25.75
Pirates 2 10 241.5
Rangers 0 23 n/a
Rays 1 20 35
Red Sox 17 137 85.29
Reds 0 8 n/a
Rockies 3 21 163.33
Royals 2 21 197
Tigers 0 36 n/a
Twins 0 16 n/a
White Sox 14 117 111
Yankees 28 110 63.78

The Mariners, as a franchise, have quite a few one-star reviews for so few total reviews. The funny thing about it is throughout the whole process I was only counting each user as one review. So the Mariners, through the time of June 2008 to August 2008, enraged one particular Yelp reviewer so much he doled out four one-star reviews.

angryfan1

angryfan2

angryfan3

angryfan4

Steve O. from Seattle, Washington wasn't the only Yelp reviewer to do this either. The Mariners made someone's life so bad, she left two reviews over the course of three years. Hers were a bit more concise and tongue-in-cheek, although she said what I was thinking the entire time.

marinersyelpcare

Realistically, that answer is probably no. But that didn't stop most people across the nation from leaving actual rantings that they feebly thought their ownership would read. One user for the Braves left a huge note on Yelp that begins with his acknowledgement of already sending the following letter to the team.

And then there was the sheer depressing factor of it. I'm all for a good-natured ribbing in sports, it helps keep rivalries going. But actually taking the time to log onto a website and post the weakest "(insert team here) sux" slam reminded me that at most times, the Internet is populated by children at the best, and usually adults with the minds of children at the worst. Probably 70 percent of all the one-star reviews were made by people who couldn't even intelligently articulate what they disliked about the team.

Or there was this guy that left this post on the Dodgers' page (assuming he is a Giants fan).

dodgersplane

Yikes.

All in all, I found this exercise to be much less fulfilling than the previous one. One-star reviews on Yelp can be humorous because often times they are disgruntled individuals reaming an establishment for things out of the establishment's control. This time around it was a bit different. Scouring through all of these Yelp reviews was like taking two hours out of the day to watch people talk to a brick wall, and it got depressing. Once you got beyond all the childish insults, you were left with a sea of people in discontent who have no idea how to properly air their grievances. Hopefully, all of those individuals have found a better way.