Happy Halloween, everybody!
In an attempt to embrace the holiday spirit, I have put together somewhat of a tribute to Mary Shelley. A Mariners Monster Mashup. A terrible, horrible, beautiful chimera.
(I apologize if this image is a bit large, but... I think it needs to be.)
This creature is an awesome amalgam of many different bits and pieces of your Seattle Mariners, thoughtfully selected to create a being that possesses the utmost skill/power. It includes:
- Felix Hernandez's right arm: This is, of course, the single most powerful component of this monster. Capable of vanquishing the opposition with both overpowering fastballs and guileful offspeed pitches, Felix's arm allows our beast to pursue and obtain perfection (literally).
- James Paxton's left arm: Every legendary creature must have some fatal flaw. This might be it for our monster, as Paxton struggled with a shoulder injury earlier this year. That being said, once he came off of the DL, Paxton showed that his left arm is an incredibly formidable weapon.
- Robinson Cano's left hand/glove: This smooth movin' glove enables our beloved behemoth to dispatch foes (or groundballs) with the utmost ease, never breaking a sweat or displaying even the smallest trace of effort.
- Mike Zunino's torso: Good for blocking pitches in the dirt, Zunino's chest protector also provides our creature with an impenetrable carapace that is impervious to blows from the opposition.
- Kyle Seager's upper legs/posterior: Much of a hitter's pop is generated by their lower body; Seager's ability to hit laser beams to all fields suggests that the power in his legs is rivaled by very few. His posterior has also proven to be durable to assault - a handy asset for a baseball warrior to possess.
- Brad Miller's lower legs/stirrups: I would be remiss to exclude ol' crazy-legs from this magnificent mashup. (I still believe, Brad!) Despite Miller's not-so-great 2014 season, his stirrups still provide our creature with some serious style points.
- Dustin Ackley's face monster (beard): The grotesque nature of this facial abomination snares all but the purest of heart, stopping people in their tracks as they stare in disbelief, wondering why someone would voluntarily grow such a thing on their face. This would definitely come in handy when trying to catch a runner in a pickle. (If you were thinking of dressing up as Medusa for Halloween but have been unable to find a sufficient number of snakes, dressing up as Ackley's beard would likely have a similar effect.)
- Michael Saunders' eyes (and face): In addition to being full of kindness and understanding, Michael Saunders' eyes were also the sharpest among the M's last year (almost bird-like...); he led the team in both BB% (9.9%) and in the number of eye twinkles (72 per day).
- Fernando Rodney's hat: Skewed precisely at jaunty o'clock, Rodney's hat reminds us that although baseball seems like a pretty serious business sometimes, it's really just a children's game. If we want to win, we mustn't forget to have fun.
- James Jones' feet/shoes: The fleet feet of Jones allow our beast to flit about the basepaths at its leisure, running circles (or diamonds) around the opposition.
It should be noted that the lightning background in this image, in addition to looking super awesome, actually serves a purpose; the electrical discharge of these energetic bolts is what brought this creature to life. Dr. Frankenstein (and probably Benjamin Franklin) would be proud.
I completely understand if looking at this picture makes you feel somewhat uncomfortable. The scale is a little wonky, Ackley's beard doesn't really belong anywhere (let alone on Saunders face), and seeing so much in a single image is a bit overwhelming. But stepping out of our comfort zones from time to time is good for us! It helps us grow into more well-rounded, less-shitty individuals. I hope that you can forgive this silly post and that everyone has a fun, spooky, not-terribly-unsafe holiday.
Go eat a Twix bar for me and feel free to share your Halloween costumes/plans below in the comments if you're doing anything particularly fun/crazy.