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66-84: Seattle Mariners Lose Boring Game to Detroit Tigers, 4 to 2

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The Seattle Mariners of Seattle lose to the Detroit Tigers of Detroit, predictably. Abe Almonte leads the Mariners in home runs over the last 1 days.

They were out of the blue Slurpie.
They were out of the blue Slurpie.
Duane Burleson


Anna Kendrick: Justin Smoak, .092 WPA

Miley Cyrus: Endy Chavez, -1.38 WPA

Rather than introduce a game between the most miserable team in baseball against the most miserable city in baseball, let's talk about fan related superstitions. One of the oldest jokes in baseball – and all sports, really – is that if you go to a game and they win, you're the reason they won, and you need to keep going to games or else they'll lose.

It may not be going to the game either. Maybe it's wearing your lucky underwear, or putting your hat backwards, or singing "This is How We Do It" to yourself before each inning. Whatever it is, you "need" to do it, because you know that if you don't, they won't succeed.


Your first reaction to people that do this is probably "you have no effect on the game." Of course they wouldn't. Why would the way someone wears their hat affect the game? Why would not washing your underwear affect the game? How could you affect the game in any way? The game was going to be played and have the same outcome, regardless of whether or not you were there or engaged in your "lucky" superstition.

Obviously that's the logical reaction. It's also the wrong one. The reality is that you always affect the game, even if you don't realize it.

Chaos theory.

Your lucky underwear may be uncomfortable, causing you to shift slightly in your seat. That shift distracted the girlfriend of a heckler, who was about to give her boyfriend a kiss before rethinking her life decisions after checking out your glorious booty. The heckler, undistracted himself, then taunted Dustin Ackley. Dustin Ackley barely heard it, but there was still the perception of someone yelling. He hits a line drive to right field and is safe at first.

Now, you didn't wear your lucky underwear that day. You didn't shift in your seat. The heckler's girlfriend wasn't aroused by the prospect of another man's hindquarters. She kissed her heckler boyfriend. He kissed back. Dustin Ackley was now swinging in different conditions. The swing was .1 MPH faster and 1 mm higher. He hit a line drive straight at the second baseman, causing an out. Everything that happened from then on would have been different – not only for that game, but for the rest of time.

Every moment has an effect on every other moment. Everything you do has an effect on the game.

The Mariners lost 4-2. It's time to throw out your underwear.

  • Originally I had no idea what introduction to write so I asked a 10 year old girl to describe baseball to me. Quote: "Baseball is the thing where people… it's a sport where people play a game where you need a bat and a ball and you try to hit as far as you can and go to first base, second base, and third base. That's why they call it baseball. And there are cheerleaders, and they're like this: GO BASEBALL! GO GO GO, GO BASEBALL! B-A-S-S-B-A-L-L! BASEBALL! Okay, that's it."
  • Rick Porcello had 10 strikeouts tonight. Zunino was 3 of those by the 6th inning. Every time he strikes out four times it should be called the Golden Somberero.
  • The Tigers field some of the least Caucasian position players and the most Caucasian rotation in baseball. One might say they're the most "diverse" until someone explains to you what diverse means.
  • Doug, Justin, Rick, Max… Anibal. Four of those names wrote offensive comments about the new Miss America on Twitter.
  • Top comments in the gamethread:
  • Joe Saunders was, to start the season, my least favorite pitcher to watch. Now that the season's almost over he is my least favorite pitcher to watch. I hope he makes like a tree and hypoventilates.
  • Abraham Almonte has two dingers, or as they say in the Dominican: Dos Dingeros. His emergence as a player to like is surprising, but it's also welcome. A player that exceeds expectations in a position of need is exactly what the Mariners have not had, with the exception of one Kyle Seager.
  • Once he is finally a DH full time will he be the Fielder Formerly Known as Prince?
  • The_artist_formerly_known_as_prince_fielder_is_fat
  • MLB.TV cuts out on me at random and forces me to reload from the Today's Games option. I also recently had a terrible experience with Comcast. I'm starting to think that monopolies should be legally forced to provide refunds when their service is flawed or unusable.
  • I do not have a gif of Joe Saunders falling backwards on his face after Justin Smoak's terrible throw to first in the fifth inning but I wish I did. Also, Joe Saunders took forever to get up but didn't seem hurt at all which lends credence to the idea that he's kind of a tool.
  • Right afterward Triunfel had a fairly nifty, although unheralded backhand toss to Nick Franklin which was then poorly thrown and poorly handled by both Franklin and Smoak. Sometimes the neat plays are too easily forgotten after boring outcomes.

There are now 12 games left in the regular season. Soon there will be none, and then comes one of the most frustrating or most amazing offseasons in Seattle Mariner history, as they currently have a team that is clearly nowhere near playoff ready, but with some promising players. It's going to be an exercise in emotional management.