I find it far more comforting now that Vernon Wells is back to being Vernon Wells. I don't know about you.
Andy Pettitte makes his second start since the Mariners broke him in mid-May. The 41 year-old was still rusty in his last start against Cleveland, coughing up four and failing to get out of the fifth inning. Joe Saunders, in the meantime, rides a wave of momentum after earning his second-straight quality start and a much-needed win. "It was nice to go out there against a good-hitting club and get a W," Saunders said of defeating the miserable Chicago White Sox in what one assumes to be a soulless, monotone voice, chewing slowly on his own cheek and sighing inwardly.
I will admit that Saunders has one virtue: transparency. Saunders has six starts with a 2.00 ERA or less. He has five with a 9.00 ERA or more. He has one in between. We'll probably know what kind of Joe Saunders we're getting and be able to plan our afternoons fairly quickly.
Brendan Ryan hits not-ninth for only the fourth time all season, thanks to the meteoric rise of super-prospect Brandon Bantz, who has been practicing his bat flip in the hotel mirror of the Super 8 where he's been staying the last week. Ryan is hitting .100/.100/.400 in ten plate appearances in the 8th spot, including one of his two home runs. He also hits better when the team loses (.579 to .526 OPS) and is hitless in 3-1 counts this year. I've typed these statistics in hopes that ESPN offers me a television gig.
While you read these words, the Mariners have drafted three players who do not project to stick at the position they played as an amateur. They also drafted Justin Seager, Kyle's younger younger brother, who is almost certainly an interesting prospect and not drafted for mere organ-harvesting purposes.
Felix is not the only person who deserves a theme song. We all deserve a theme song. What is the theme song of Joe Saunders?