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3/2: Spring Training Open Game Thread

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magician
magician
USA TODAY Sports

On my drive home today, I was trying to think of a way to open this post. Then I drove by a business named Casa Bella Granite and Marble. At this rate the Seattle Mariners could open a business called Casa Bella Granite and Marbles. Granite, because the Mariners are experts at building a solid, dependable foundation. Marbles, because the Mariners have more marbles than they know what to do with. They have so many marbles that they could conceivably start selling marbles, for money, is what I'm saying.

Baseball game! Details:

  • MARINERS
  • AGAINST DODGERS
  • HOME IN PEORIA
  • 12:05pm Pacific
  • Gameday link
  • broadcast on the radio and audio streamed online

The Mariners' starting lineup:

Franklin Gutierrez, CF
Kyle Seager, 3B
Raul Ibanez, "LF"
Justin Smoak, 1B
Casper Wells, RF
Ronny Paulino, DH
Mike Zunino, C
Robert Andino, SS
Carlos Triunfel, 2B

I started this post way too late so I don't have anything in the way of stupid commentary. Yay Mariners players, boo Dodgers players, yay Gutierrez being a Mariners player instead of a Dodgers player. There was that talk over the offseason that the Mariners could trade Gutierrez to the Dodgers for one of their excess starting pitchers. That would have been stupid, because Gutierrez is good and I like him and his value was super low. Toward the bottom of the Mariners' lineup are three consecutive -inos. I wrote that sentence without knowing what I would put in the following sentence. I'll think of something good eventually.

Starting for the Mariners on the mound is Hisashi Iwakuma, who has an ERA of 0.00. Starting for the Dodgers on the mound is Chris Capuano, who has an ERA of 18.00. So this is probably going to be a humiliating blowout, to which the Dodgers will respond by trying to buy the Mariners. After Iwakuma, there'll be Jeremy Bonderman, then a bunch of relievers who aren't bad. Brandon League will pitch in relief for the enemy, and above we can see him making a baseball hover. He should throw a pitch like that. He should throw a hover pitch. I bet that would break science. Everything would change in an instant! Do it for the world, Brandon League. Or, alternatively, never do that to the world, because maybe we shouldn't want for everything to change.

Go Mariners, win the baseball