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The Essence Of Jason Vargas

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According to Dictionary.com, the fourth definition of "essence" is:

4. a perfume; scent.

We are not here to smell Jason Vargas, nor are we here to discuss what that experience might be like. Even if we were here to smell Jason Vargas, this is the Internet, and the best I could do would be to offer words or colored stink lines. This has nothing to do with Jason Vargas' scent, and everything to do with a quick .gif I worked up from this afternoon's game that I think captures the Jason Vargas pitching experience appropriately and entirely.

FanGraphs says that, since 2010, Jason Vargas has been worth about six wins over replacement. Baseball-Reference says that, since 2010, Jason Vargas has been worth about five wins over replacement. There is nothing sexy about Jason Vargas. There is literally not a single thing that is sexy about Jason Vargas. He just stays healthy, throws his pitches, and sometimes gets great results and sometimes gets worse results. Seldom does Jason Vargas get completely torched, and seldom does Jason Vargas dominate the opposition. Mostly he's fine, and on a better team he'd have a better career record. Not that anybody cares about Jason Vargas' career record. Not that anybody should.

Jason Vargas has been and remains a starting pitcher on the Seattle Mariners. How is he, in that role? This is how he is. This is Jason Vargas in the shell of a little nut. How did he get in there!!

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