Following in the grand LL tradition, here are the various first-half Mariners described or otherwise captured by excerpts from reviews of the movie Ted.
Dustin Ackley
The little bastard has franchise written all over him.
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Blake Beavan
If you want to have a idea of what eternity is like, sitting through this [...] waiting for it to end gives you a good taste of it.
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Mike Carp
[...]for there's nothing here that will change any detractors' minds.
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Steve Delabar
The story is a comic book fantasy.
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Chone Figgins
But it can't even do this right.
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Charlie Furbush
"It's a Christmas miracle!" declares John's mom. "Like baby Jesus!"
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Franklin Gutierrez
[...]it stops even really registering that he's not "there".
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Felix Hernandez
We don’t expect to feel so much love [...] We’re supposed to be too cynical and jaded for that.
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Ichiro
He's an example of flawless CGI, a computer generated character that integrates seamlessly into the action.
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Hisashi Iwakuma
[...]a terminally uneven and barely-passable debut[...]
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John Jaso
"I wish you could really talk to me, because then we could be friends forever" [...]
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Munenori Kawasaki
One anticipates a comic let-down somewhere along the line but it never happens.
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Shawn Kelley
To his credit, he succeeds.
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Josh Kinney
[...]we have no problem accepting him as a living, breathing entity[...]
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Brandon League
It left me, however, fantasising of ways to go back in time, Lost style[...]
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Alex Liddi
[...]I came to the conclusion that it's getting a little old.
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Lucas Luetge
[...] would be hot stuff for a season, then dwindle to a curiosity, then be forgotten.
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Kevin Millwood
For starters, the overall plot is pretty standard.
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Jesus Montero
Apparently, we'll have to wait on that.
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Hector Noesi
Honestly: This is a smug, nasty little number.
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Miguel Olivo
[...]it isn’t much of anything. It’s the sip of water a stand-up comedian takes between jokes, leaving the audience to twiddle their thumbs as they wait for the next one. This wouldn’t be such a problem if these sips were few and far between, but they’re not.
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Carlos Peguero
[...]he's cartoonishly muscled for someone who supposedly just jerks around all the time.
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Oliver Perez
So how does this make any sense?
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Stephen Pryor
To tell you the truth, I guess I was expecting the plot to be a bit more fresh[...]
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Erasmo Ramirez
Unfortunately this puts it in the mediocre middle; not exceptional, but not horrible.
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Brendan Ryan
Wouldn't talk show hosts have him on their programs as a regular guest?
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Michael Saunders
This is how fantasy should be done more often: not much awe or terror, just "Oh, okay, that's sort of cool" until a shinier media fixation comes along.
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Kyle Seager
[...]works better than it has any right to, and when it hits, it tends to hit big[...]
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George Sherrill
A Plush Bear Stuffed With Crap.
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Justin Smoak
You shall be disappointed by what you find.
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Jason Vargas
Once the story is setup, the rest of the plot [...] feels very, very familiar.
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Casper Wells
He never drifts into being just a little gimmicky person; his plush toy nature remains an important element of his character throughout.
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Tom Wilhelmsen
Plus, you'll find it doesn't wear out its welcome and it has a surprising amount of heart.
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