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Mariners Play Hanshin, Look To Make Japan Pay For Subjecting World To Daisuke Matsuzaka

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Ten, 15, 20 years ago, I wouldn't have minded Daisuke Matsuzaka so much. But then baseball video games started trying to be realistic, which meant incorporating unique deliveries for pitchers. Baseball video games that have successfully and accurately incorporated Matsuzaka's unique delivery have made Matsuzaka impossible to use, because nobody wants to sit the fuck through all that what with baseball video games already being slow enough. This might sound like a petty complaint to you, but at some level all complaints are petty, so I say embrace the petty complaints. Gather more petty complaints. Seek out the pettiest of all possible complaints. It could be a hobby and people really love a complainer.

The Seattle Mariners play the Hanshin Tigers just minutes after 8pm on the west coast. The game is on the radio, there will be a Gameday feed, and while it isn't being broadcast on TV over here, a fanpost over there seems to indicate that it's possible to find video. I haven't seen the Hanshin lineup but I don't know how much good it would do if I had. I have seen the Mariners' starting lineup. So have you, now (where "now" is in one or two seconds).

Figgins, 3B
Ackley, 2B
Ichiro, RF
Smoak, 1B
Montero, DH
Carp, LF
Olivo, C
Saunders, CF
Ryan, SS

There is the group you'll see for Opening Day, unless somebody gets hurt or sick between now and then. You never know when somebody might get hurt or sick in this crazy world of ours. It's a tiny bit of a bummer that Munenori Kawasaki isn't in there, but he is a bench player, he could enter the game later, and this is the first of four games the Mariners will play in the Tokyo Dome. Kawasaki's probably going to get some innings. Truth be told I don't know if the Japanese fans would even notice him so long as Ichiro is in the building, but this will be good, because Kawasaki will be surrounded by people who love Ichiro as much as he does.

The Mariners' starting pitcher is Hector Noesi. I saw a picture the other day where Noesi's teammates buried him in pillows on the flight over. Hopefully he didn't suffocate. If he did suffocate, I don't know how the person who drew up the lineup card doesn't know that. I don't know how we wouldn't know that. Hector Noesi is probably fine. But, you know, it'll be good to see that he's pitching, just to be sure.

Assuming Noesi doesn't go the distance, there will be Mariners relievers. Also, while I said earlier that I don't know the Hanshin lineup, I do know that Kenji Johjima is in it. Let's give him a Kenji power pitch, for old time's sake. And while we're doing things for old time's sake, somebody should hit Kenji in the nuts with a splitter, and call Jarrod Washburn and get him to say critical things for no reason.