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Mariners, Royals Clash In Battle Between Baseball Players

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Wednesday night brings us the first televised Mariners game of the spring, and it's a good thing it does, because this is shaping up to be an epic showdown. On one side, there are the Seattle Mariners, who are baseball players who have been trained to compete at an incredibly high level. On the other side, there are the Kansas City Royals, who are baseball players who have been trained to compete at an incredibly high level. This is going to be like a head-on collision between two very similar vehicles traveling at two very similar speeds. One of the vehicles will emerge in better shape than the other. Will it be the Mariners? Will it be the Royals? Your television will provide the answer!

Game's at 7:05. It's on TV, it's on the radio, it's online, it's on Gameday - everybody's got this. Everybody insists that you follow this. You have basically no excuse for not following this. They could not possibly make it more convenient for you to follow this.

I'm not going to be following this because I am a bad Mariners fan. Here is a Gameday link. And here is the Mariners' starting lineup!

Ackley, 2B
Wells, DH
Ichiro, RF
Smoak, 1B
Peguero, LF
Olivo, C
Saunders, CF
Catricala, 3B
Ryan, SS

All of those batters will be facing Aaron Crow, unless one of the first eight batters injures Aaron Crow, or unless Aaron Crow injures himself. Aaron Crow sounds kind of like "errant crow", but no one would ever think you said "errant crow" in conversation if they were paying attention to the context. "Why did the Royals draft a crow? Why did the Royals draft a lost crow?" I mean I guess somebody could mishear you, if that person thinks about crows a lot.

The Mariners are starting Kevin Millwood. If you watch this game wearing 3D glasses you'll be able to see leadership rays emanating from Millwood's upper back. Most of them just fly off into space. Some of them get absorbed by other people or errant crows. Callback!