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Brendan Ryan Wins 2012 Fielding Bible Award at Short Stop

Seattle Mariners Begin Their Forthcoming Landslide Winning of Offseason Awards

Brendan Ryan spends his offseason dominating Cornhole competitions throughout the land
Brendan Ryan spends his offseason dominating Cornhole competitions throughout the land
Ed Szczepanski-US PRESSWIRE

The results of the Fielding Bible Awards were posted today and deservedly, Brendan Ryan has been recognized for his efforts in the field with his first ever win. Ryan captured the award in the category of Short Stop which came as a surprise to nobody except Warren Plankfield, who could've sworn that Ryan was a second baseman, but in fact he was thinking about Brandon Phillips. Warren isn't much of a baseball fan.

Brendan Ryan ran away from everybody in baseball in the metrics pertaining to good fielding. He was running away from them because he was running toward the batted ball and most people are frightened by things moving at a high velocity. That's instinct, right there, but Brendan Ryan has conquered his primeval responses designed for mere survival in the wild and instead has elevated himself to a minor sort of deity, one who can intercept such speeding spheres near at will. Frankly, it was beyond obvious to award him the mantle of best fielding short stop in baseball because why dare risk slighting someone who possesses such mighty powers?

Ryan is joined by the lesser mortals Yadier Molina, Mark Teixeira, Darwin Barney, Adrian Beltre, Alex Gordon, Mike Trout, Jason Heyward and Mark Buehrle. These people were announced jointly with Ryan in a possibly futile attempt to keep Ryan humble in the face of the obviousness of his awesome talents; at fielding anyways.

You can go read the post on the awards here, but I don't know why you'd want to since I just told you who all the winners are.

Many people will wonder about the upcoming Gold Glove Awards, which shouldn't mean much of anything, but do because they had status and therefore continue to have status. Will this Fielding Bible Award mean Ryan is now more likely to win a Gold Glove, some will wonder. The answer is not entirely no!