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Prince Fielder Filibuster

Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro speaks with Prince Fielder representative Scott Boras

Amaro: Hey Scott, Ruben here.
Amaro: I'm given to understand that your client, Mr. Fielder, could sign with the Washington Nationals.
Amaro: That would be a big move.
Amaro: Big move.
Amaro: But before anything happens, I wanted to tell you a story.
Amaro: /clears throat
Amaro: It all began on the windswept sagebrush plains of Sublette County, Wyoming.

[...]

Amaro: The pronghorn, see - a lot of times, it's mistaken for antelope.
Amaro: They roam and migrate in groups. Huge groups, sometimes.
Amaro: Do you know how fast a pronghorn can run?
Amaro: As fast as a cheetah!
Amaro: Or, if not as fast as a cheetah, almost as fast, and for longer.

[...]

Amaro: So I'm like, "benzodiazepine? More like DiCenzo-has-a-peen!"
Amaro: Haha!
Amaro: Well maybe you have to know him

[...]

Amaro: It's red.
Amaro: Red or white.
Amaro: Are they really white, though? It's more like clear, or translucent.
Amaro: Anyway, definitely not green.
Amaro: Green is the worst.

[...]

Amaro: Pomegranate blood can be realistic at first but then it turns pink.
Amaro: Blood isn't pink.
Amaro: I guess maybe Victorino's blood is pink.
Amaro: That guy weirds the shit out of me.

[...]

Amaro: Rapeseed

[...]

Amaro: "There's no way it's been under the cushion this whole time."
Amaro: It was under the cushion the whole time!
Boras: /looks at watch
Boras: It's October.
Amaro: It says that on your watch?
Boras: I am going to have so much mail.
Amaro: Oh god my family