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Mariners Swept By Nationals, Jim Riggleman Determines This Is As Good As It Gets

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Pineda: /throws 89
Pineda: /throws 90
Pineda: /throws 90
Mariners fan: Oh...
Pineda: /throws 90
Mariners fan: Oh man
Pineda: /throws 92
Pineda: /throws 91
Mariners fan: No no no no no this can't be haaaappening
Glenoid, God of Labrums: /appears
Glenoid, God of Labrums: pssst
Mariners fan: AHH!
Mariners fan: You scared me!
Glenoid, God of Labrums: sorry
Mariners fan: Who are you, and what do you want?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I am Glenoid, God of Labrums. I come to offer you a deal.
Pineda: /throws 91
Mariners fan: Yes?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: Michael Pineda is throwing much slower than usual.
Pineda: /throws 92
Mariners fan: Yes, I see that.
Glenoid, God of Labrums: This is worrisome for you.
Pineda: /throws 91
Mariners fan: It is, it really is.
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I will see to it that his shoulder is okay.
Mariners fan: Thank-
Glenoid, God of Labrums: -BUT, you must accept a loss to the Nationals in this game, completing the sweep.
Mariners fan: Yes, yes, sure, anything! Anything so Pineda is healthy!
Glenoid, God of Labrums: You accept?
Mariners fan: I accept!
Glenoid, God of Labrums: Then it will be done!
Things: /fizzle, snap, explosion noises
Glenoid, God of Labrums: /vanishes
Pineda: /throws 95
Pineda: /throws 96
Mariners fan: Thank you, Glenoid, God of Labrums!
Pineda: /throws 95
Glenoid, God of Labrums: /reappears
Glenoid, God of Labrums: btw he was fine the whole time
Mariners fan: What?
Pineda: /throws 95
Glenoid, God of Labrums: lol
Mariners fan: Why would you do that?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: Go Nationals!
Pineda: /throws 94
Mariners fan: If you can control the outcome, why even bother making a deal?
Mariners fan: If you can control the outcome, why have the Nationals lost 37 times?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I
Laynce Nix: /game-winning sac fly
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I'm so lonely :(
Mariners fan: Get out of here!
Mariners fan: I hate you, Glenoid, God of Labrums!
Ulnar, God of Elbows: /appears
Ulnar, God of Elbows: I AM THE MIGHTY ULNAR, GOD OF
Ulnar, God of Elbows: shit wrong room
Ulnar, God of Elbows: /vanishes