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Jeff Gray Writes In His Journal (But Not Really Because This Is Fake)

Jeff Gray did not write the following entries. I do not have access to professional baseball player Jeff Gray's personal journal.

May 13

Changed teams today! Kind of knew I'd be packing my bags after getting designated, but I didn't know where I'd be off to. I'm off to Seattle! Seattle's all about everything gray! I don't know much about the Mariners but looking at ESPN they have 16 wins, and the Sox have 15 wins, but they're a lot closer to first place so this should be a fun opportunity. Going to miss some of the guys in Chicago, but also not going to miss some others, and hopefully this can be the start of something.

May 14

After a lonnnngggg travel day I met my new teammates this morning. Caught up to them in Cleveland. Introduced myself and all that and they're all nice guys, but one of them told me that this guy League has lost something like four games in a row. Yikes! He's my teammate now and I hope he gets things turned around, but then it's selfishly kind of cool to be joining a bullpen in flux, because it means I should get plenty of looks out of the gate. Rained out today but I'm raring to go. Can't wait to make my debut! See you soon, ha

May 15

Rained out again. Bummer! Flew all the way to Cleveland only to watch hours and hours of water falling from the sky. I was curious and I had time on my hands so I started reading about lake effect. It seems that when cold air blows across a lake, and when that air is colder than the air at the lake's surface, the moving air picks up water vapor and drops it on the land ahead. I don't know if I have that totally right but I'm going to keep reading to make sure. Long flight to Seattle! Home debut!

May 16

Didn't get to pitch. Still it was cool to be in Safeco Field even though I'd just been there the week before. Everything's so different and fresh when you're with the home team instead of the road team. Sitting there, I got the idea in my head to build a model of the stadium out of toothpicks. Coach told me they didn't have toothpicks in the bullpen so I made my own by splintering a small table with my cleats. Glued it all together with tiny bits of bubble gum. Functioning roof and everything, even though that took a little extra work. The guys didn't seem to care very much but the fans thought it was neat.

May 17

ne žaisti žaidimą šiandien, kuris buvo labai blogai, bet gauti galimybę dirbti ant mano Lietuvos. Nemanau, kad turiu jį žemyn šaltas, aš tai ne laisvai arba nieko, bet tai nėra blogai. Nerandate kas jį išbandyti ant so I'm bandymai jums, asmens žurnalas! Įdomu, jei kada nors eiti su Lietuva. Jeigu , manau, aš būsiu pasirengęs. Jūs žinote, ką skautai pasakyti!

May 18

Didn't play. I was worried about my arm suffering from underuse so I developed a topical serum to help stave off rust and eventual atrophy using materials and solutions found around the bullpen and the clubhouse. Chris Ray expressed a surprising amount of interest so I told him how to make his own in case I was ever away. Left half a jar of it in the corner, with the other jars.

May 19

Didn't play, but I did have time to figure out the Riemann hypothesis. Had no idea there was a prize involved, much less a prize with such a baller name. Only problem now is figuring out which address to give the Clay Mathematics Institute. I don't have a Seattle address yet! Might just have it sent to the park. Would be nice to see something in my mailbox.

May 20

How often does one get the chance to sit and think? Not think about what to do next, or what to do in a week, or what's already been done. Just think. Just think freely about anything, and everything. It liberates, and it horrifies. Where the pursuit of knowable knowledge has a finish, the pursuit of unknowable knowledge extends forever in lines and loops, the track only widening as you follow it along. Sit and think, and you don't learn. You peer into dark tunnels that may end where they begin. The feeling - it is one of uncertainty and smallness.

May 21

I wonder how many people have ever sat and watched a bee. Every move a bee makes is made for a purpose. Why have we split off? When did we lose the way? Or is it the bee that has never found the way?

May 22

The clownfish has the anemone. Who is our anemone?

May 23

Today I was asked by a superior to "warm up" for purposes of preparing to enter a baseball game. A baseball game! Can you imagine an activity so trivial as this? I briefly considered explaining to him the senselessness of it all, but I quickly reminded myself of my audience, and so with a dismissive wave of my hand I asked him for whose benefit I might begin to stretch. Flummoxed, he responded that it was for the team's benefit, but we are all a team, all of us and all things, a team without an adversary. Yet a team without an adversary will not rest but will instead go in search of a challenge where said challenge may result in defeat, a defeat delivered by ourselves. This is our flaw.