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Mariners Suffer Devastating Loss At Hands Of Diamondbacks Squadron

Milton Bradley autographs hats for no one
Milton Bradley autographs hats for no one

Much like a chocolate peanut butter brownie fresh from the oven, all good things must eventually come to an end, and on Wednesday afternoon the Mariners suffered their first intersquad loss of the Cactus League season, falling 5-3 to the Diamondbacks at Salt River Fields at Talking Stick. The game was played in front of a sparse crowd of zero, as all potential attendees were stopped at the parking lot entrance by the talking stick.

Stick: :motions to roll down the window:
Fan: Yes?
Stick: Hello there!
Fan: Hello.
Stick: Do you know who I am?
Stick: I am a talking stick!
Fan: Hey, great.
Stick: I am a magical talking stick!
Fan: Mm hmm
Stick: Might you help me in my quest?
Fan: We really just want to park-
Stick: I come from the forest of the whispering willows!
Fan: Maybe they kicked you out because you talk too loud.
Stick: Excuse me?
Fan: You are one annoying talking stick.
Stick: :lashes fan:
Fan: Ow!
Stick: Entry is forbidden! Return at once from whence you came!
Fan: Fuck you, stick!

It's hard to say too much about this game. Those of us who followed along mainly did so in order to see how Michael Pineda would do, but Gameday didn't provide any PITCHfx information, the game wasn't broadcast on Seattle radio, and the Diamondbacks feed was more interested in talking about other things, so all we can really say is that Pineda didn't allow a run. After he was gone his teammates did a whole bunch of nothing and by the end the Diamondbacks scored two more runs than the Mariners did. The runs were scored against Yoervis Medina, Jose Flores, and Justin Miller, but without PITCHfx or video it's impossible to know whether the runs were scored on good pitches or bad ones, so conclusive statements are impossible. It's amazing how helpless I am as a writer and analyst without state-of-the-art PITCHfx and HD video technology.

Some bullet points, for your easy consumption:

  • The Diamondbacks are playing another split-squad game tonight at 6:05pm against the Giants. Not only did the Mariners end their undefeated streak by losing; they lost to literally half of a baseball team. Spring Training brings moderate highs and embarrassing lows.

  • Manny Delcarmen worked the seventh inning, and while he kept the Diamondbacks off the board, he also issued three consecutive walks. I can't think of many things that can get an NRI booted quicker than walking guys left and right in exhibition games. It's still, of course, very, very early, but Delcarmen hasn't looked good in his appearances, and in a competition with so many bodies he probably can't afford to dig himself a hole to start.

  • In the top of the fourth inning, Joe Paterson came on in relief of Aaron Heilman. Joe Paterson doesn't have an picture, so in place of a picture, Gameday showed a silhouette. And immediately after Paterson entered the game, the Diamondbacks online radio feed mysteriously cut to the feed of the Rangers/Angels game, with Mike Trout standing at the plate. From this I conclude that either the Angels are putting some of their revenue towards creative ways of making other fans jealous of their prospects, or Joe Paterson is part of some top-secret government project and his identity and performance must remain classified at all times. Or both.

  • Geoff Blum visited the Diamondbacks' broadcast booth after leaving the game and talked with the announcers while Willie Bloomquist was batting, which was perfect.

  • According to those same Diamondbacks announcers, reliever Matt Gorgen has a twin brother who also plays baseball. Matt Gorgen looks like this:


  • Today's reminder that this is Spring Training:


  • The Mariners managed only four hits on the day, which feels awfully familiar, although it's worth noting that, from the radio feed, the Diamondbacks apparently made some real good defensive plays early on. Two of those hits were groundball singles. But two of those hits were well-hit blasts - a triple to dead center by Adam Moore, and a double to center by Dustin Ackley to score Moore from third. Unfortunately those hits came against Rafael Rodriguez, who is a bad pitcher, but that's still better than all of the non-solid contact the rest of the Mariners were making against bad pitchers all game long.

It's Luke French and the Mariners against John Danks and the White Sox tomorrow at 12:05. Once again, it won't be on 710, but it'll probably be on Ozzie Guillen's twitter account.