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Hello and welcome to the first of between one and several thousand PRINCE FIELDER WATCHes. Here we will not be literally watching Prince Fielder, nor will we be selling watches made by Prince Fielder or produced in his image. Instead, we will be monitoring the status of the Prince Fielder free agent sweepstakes. Because Prince Fielder's agent is Scott Boras, and because Scott Boras has demonstrated a tendency to make shit up, this is probably all a waste of time. But when you get right down to it, isn't everything a waste of time? Take what you're doing right now, for example. Aren't you wasting time? What about what you did before, or what you're going to do after? Wastes of time, yes? We get time, we waste time, we run out of time. These are the terms of our contract with Earth.

Has Prince Fielder signed a contract?

Has Prince Fielder signed a contract with the Seattle Mariners?

Is Prince Fielder close to signing a contract?
I completely and honestly have no idea.

What does your gut tell you?
Does it matter?

What does your gut tell you?
Since when do we care about gut feelings?

I'll ask the questions. What does your gut tell you?
Okay, fine, Jesus. I would assume that Fielder is kind of laying low this week, like most Americans. Not that Fielder is really the one involved in negotiations, and I doubt that Scott Boras has turned his phone off for the holidays, but my gut tells me that things won't really intensify until after the weekend. Remember that this is my gut. My gut literally doesn't have a single brain cell. It currently has a cup of coffee and a turkey sandwich.

What is the latest?
Understanding that we can never know for sure what's the truth and what's a lie intended to benefit either Boras or one of the suitors, Buster Olney wrote that some executives think Fielder's best offer will come from the Nationals. The Nationals' GM recently told the media flat-out that Adam LaRoche will be the team's starting first baseman. Dave Sheinin indicated that Boras usually works with ownership instead of GMs for clients of Fielder's caliber. So as far as the Nationals are concerned, they could win, or they could not.

The Orioles supposedly have interest in Fielder, but not at the current asking price, which is one of the lamest possible rumors to report. If the Orioles had interest in Fielder at the current asking price, things would be very different. If the Orioles had zero interest in Fielder at all, regardless of asking price, they would be impossibly stupid. I think it's safe to say that every team in baseball has interest in Prince Fielder, but not at the current asking price.

The Blue Jays have interest in Fielder, but not at the current asking price.

Are the Mariners still in the thick of things?
I see no reason to believe otherwise.

Haha, "thick of things."
Prince Fielder is fat