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Some Things You Absolutely Need To Know About Moises Hernandez

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Much of my morning so far has been spent thinking about maybe the worst Prince Fielder sweepstakes update we've seen yet, and thinking about just the latest column practically begging the Mariners to trade Felix Hernandez (to the Yankees). I am not going to link these things because you don't need to have the day that I have had. You can track them down if you really want to, but trust me, please trust me when I say they provide nothing that's new.

I am now going to take a break from things that are annoying to spend some time with something that's completely off the radar. What follows is a thorough but incomplete list of things you absolutely need to know about Moises Hernandez. I don't mean that all cute-like, like "this is the must-read novel of the year!" This is actually important. There will be a test of greater significance than your pathetic brain can imagine.

(1) Moises Hernandez is Felix Hernandez's older brother.

(2) Moises Hernandez is 27 years old.

(3) Moises Hernandez has signed a minor league contract with the Mariners.

(4) Moises Hernandez has technically re-signed with the Mariners, since he pitched with double-A Jackson last year.

(5) 27 different people pitched with double-A Jackson last year. Moises Hernandez had the highest ERA out of all of them, by 0.76 points.

(6) Moises Hernandez had a higher ERA with Jackson than Scott Savastano, who is an infielder.

(7) Moises Hernandez's 2011 performance was still better than his 2010 performance, because he didn't have a 2010 performance due to injury.

(8) Moises Hernandez didn't have a 2008 performance, either, also due to injury.

(9) Moises Hernandez's 2009 performance was terrible.

(10) Moises Hernandez was the compensation the Braves received when Leo Mazzone went to the Orioles.

(11) Moises Hernandez has been pitching with the Cardenales de Lara of the Venezuelan winter league, and he's posted the league's second-highest ERA out of all pitchers with at least six appearances.

(12) Moises Hernandez has thrown 0.2 more innings in the Venezuelan winter league than Ryan Glynn.

(13) Moises Hernandez has allowed as many earned runs in 12 innings in Venezuela as 2010 Felix Hernandez allowed in 109.1 innings between July 16th and September 28th.

(14) Re-signing Moises Hernandez is going to make Felix Hernandez happy, and that makes me happy.

(15) Fuck off, Ken Rosenthal.