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Mariners Sign Steve Garrison, Get Self-Referential

Will never wash that fist
Will never wash that fist

One of the questions I had after coming to limited terms with the Greg Halman story was when it would be okay to write about something else. Not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I'd have to eventually, and I didn't want to wait so little time that it could be interpreted as disrespectful, as if what I do here has any effect on Greg Halman's family. The Seattle Mariners have now forced my hand by making a move. That's probably for the best. What follows is a post about something other than Greg Halman, and if you aren't in the mood to read it right now, then by all means, don't read it. It'll still be here when you're ready.

As noted in the headline, the Mariners have signed Steve Garrison. Garrison is a 25-year-old left-handed pitcher, and the Mariners have signed him to a minor league contract, adding him on to the pile. How is this self-referential, you might ask? This is how:

1. a body of troops stationed in a fortified place.

His name might as well be Steve Pile. That's one way that his name is interesting. Another way that his name is interesting is that his full name is Stevenson Nathaniel Garrison. A few weeks ago Matthew, Ms. Jeff and I were watching Lost In Austen because shut up, and I'm just gonna go ahead and let you put those points together.

Matt Eddy's tweet says that Garrison is re-uniting with Tony Blengino, who is the scout that signed Garrison after he was drafted by the Brewers in 2005. I bet that they are going to hug, and I bet that Tony Blengino gives really uncertain hugs.

Steve Garrison has had an interesting professional career, which is more than I can say for you, you lazy son of a bitch. After being drafted and signing in 2005, Garrison made it to double-A as a starter in 2008, and was all right. Then his next year was kind of a waste, and then his next year after that was kind of a waste. He spent most of 2011 pitching not particularly well for double-A Trenton, but he did make it to the Majors one time, for one relief appearance with the Yankees, which was his Major League debut. It came on July 25th, against the Mariners, in the ninth inning of a 10-3 game. Garrison recorded two outs to end it and send the M's to their sixteenth consecutive loss. Garrison must have liked what he saw, signing with the Mariners now because he figures he could be their best player.

Garrison throws his fastball in the high-80s with a slider, curve and change. His specialty is supposed to be his command, but that's kind of like saying your mom is famous for her pancakes. She isn't. She just makes pretty good pancakes. Garrison has pretty good command, and he's hoping it's good enough to get him a Major League job.

Maybe it is and maybe it isn't - we'll find out, kind of, in March. Even though Garrison has spent almost his entire professional career as a starter, I figure he'll battle for a bullpen spot in the spring, and if he doesn't get one, he'll start in the minors. Maybe I'm wrong. Spring is a long ways away, there will be more bodies, and I wasn't privy to the Mariners' discussions with Garrison and his agent. If they even had discussions. It's possible that Garrison volunteered to sign with the first team that called him. "I'm so alone!"

Steve Garrison fun fact: on July 25th, 2007, Garrison was traded from the Brewers to the Padres along with Will Inman as part of a four-player deal. Say, guess who else is in the news today.