That reads like a heated headline, but it isn't intended that way, because in truth I'm not sure how much respect they really deserve. Given that the headline reads a way it isn't intended to read, I could always go back and change it, but then I'd have to delete this paragraph, right here. This paragraph that I'm typing right now. And then I'd have to come up with a different intro and everything. I'm not going to do that because I've decided that this offseason I'm going to be really lazy.
The reason for the headline is that nominees for the 2011 Gold Glove Awards have been announced, and for the first time in hey wait a second what are you talking about "nominees"? Since when are there nominees for the Gold Glove Awards? And since when is there this?
ESPN2 will televise the first-ever Rawlings Gold Glove Awards Show – emanating from ESPN’s Baseball Tonight studio in Bristol – Tuesday, Nov. 1, at 10 p.m. ET.
A Gold Glove Awards show. Airing at 10pm Eastern, so you can tell how much ESPN2 is counting on this to hit big. For ESPN2, 10pm Eastern in the middle of the week is basically a throwaway slot. At 10pm Eastern on Wednesday, ESPN2 will be airing an MLS playoff game for God's sake, which :remembers audience: :re-considers: all right
Anyway, the reason for the headline is that there are no Mariners among the nominees. There are plenty of ex-Mariners - Adrian Beltre, Asdrubal Cabrera, Ronny Cedeno, Casey Kotchman - remember when Casey Kotchman was a Mariner? - - but no current Mariners. Which means that, for the first time since 1986, no Mariner will win a Gold Glove. That snaps the longest streak in Major League Baseball.
It also snaps Ichiro's personal streak of ten Gold Gloves in a row. Gold Gloves have historically favored incumbents over challengers, and even though that pattern seems to be going away, this still tells you something about the different way that Ichiro was perceived this season. He didn't look like himself at the plate and he didn't look like himself in the field, and the voters picked up on that. Or they didn't pick up on that at all, penalized him for underachieving offensively, and this is a coincidence. I wonder which I will choose to believe. I wonder which you will choose to believe.
In all honesty this isn't a huge surprise. It's a surprise that there are nominees, or at least that was a surprise to me, but it isn't a huge surprise that there aren't any Mariners among them. Miguel Olivo is shitty. Justin Smoak missed too much time and wasn't great. Nobody played 100 games at second base, third base, left field, or center field, and I don't know if any of the pitchers are good or bad. Given that Ichiro wasn't superb, the only guy who had a strong argument is Brendan Ryan, and there are a number of fantastic defensive shortstops, so Ryan wasn't a given.
I guess you could complain about Ryan's exclusion if you really want to, since we all need things to complain about and Ryan led AL shortstops in Defensive Runs Saved, but ultimately these are just stupid, flawed Gold Gloves anyway, and it isn't worth twisting yourself into a delicious, warm, oven-baked pretzel with scattered grains of coarse salt and a separate dipping cup of stone-ground mustard. Also, we're still waiting on the Fielding Bible Awards, and the Fielding Bible Awards are a lot smarter, so maybe...welp, nope, turns out the Fielding Bible Awards were announced today and there aren't any Mariners in there, either. Sooooooo, moving right along.