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The Mariners' Five Worst Home Runs Of The Season

The season's over - maybe you've noticed! - which means it's both time to look back, and time to look ahead. I'm sure most people would prefer to look ahead. The future is sunny. Or at least, the future might be sunny. The future is full of possibilities, and it's unknown, which means, most importantly, that the future isn't depressing. The past is depressing. People don't want to look back on the depressing past. Why look back on the depressing past instead of just waving it goodbye and turning to look in the opposite direction?

But me, I'm not ready to look ahead. Not totally, not yet. It will be that time soon, but it's not that time now, because the instant I start looking ahead, it gets weird to look back, and I'm not finished looking back. There are still other angles to the past that I want to explore, or that I think I want to explore.

This is one of them. This is a post featuring video of the five worst home runs hit by the Seattle Mariners during the 2011 regular season. The "worst" home runs are those with the lowest speeds off the bat, per Home Run Tracker. You might expect me to sort home runs by ascending distance instead, but then that runs the risk of including a low line drive, and low line drive home runs require awesome contact. Speed off the bat seems like the more appropriate measurement.

Why not write a post with the five best home runs instead? Well, maybe I'll still do that. But 2011 was kind of a bummer of a season, so writing a post about the worst home runs feels more in line with the air of the whole thing. You know what I mean. So let's get on with the list.

Carlos Peguero, 6/10, vs. Brad Penny
96.4mph off the bat
346 feet

Peguero is a guy we ordinarily associate with big mammoth home runs. Big mammoth home runs and like thirty times as many strikeouts as big mammoth home runs. But sluggers don't only hit long home runs. The difference between sluggers and weak guys is that weak guys only hit weak home runs, while sluggers can hit both weak home runs and long home runs. This is a weak one by Peguero, and Mike Blowers remarks that he hit the ball off the end of the bat. Carlos Peguero hit the ball off the end of the bat, and homered. So in a way, this was both a weak home run and a strong home run. Carlos, you tease.

Brendan Ryan, 7/19, vs. Brett Cecil
96.3mph off the bat
364 feet

This was Brendan Ryan's first home run of the season. It came in the middle of July. It barely cleared the fence, and still Ryan did a little hop out of the batters' box, like he knew what he hit. My favorite thing about this clip is how the crowd boos Brett Cecil as Ryan rounds the bases. Lighten up guys, it wasn't a real home run.

Brendan Ryan, 9/5, vs. Dan Haren
95.9mph off the bat
359 feet

This was Brendan Ryan's third home run of the season. It escaped to the first or second row of the left field stands. According to the Home Run Tracker data, it gained two feet of distance from the game-time temperature, and it gained 11 feet of distance from the wind. Brendan Ryan is an opportunist.

Adam Kennedy, 4/20, vs. Jose Valverde
95.6mph off the bat
357 feet

I was hoping we would find Adam Kennedy on this list. In my head, this is what every single Adam Kennedy home run or double looked like. It was all he could do to drag his bat through the strike zone just one more time before giving up and collapsing, dead, and he would hit the ball just right. It isn't weird to me that Adam Kennedy hit one of the Mariners' weakest home runs. It's weird to me that Adam Kennedy hit a laser home run off Jake Arrieta in May. 112.3 miles per hour off the bat? That is literally unbelievable. I cannot believe that it is not a mistake.

Alex Liddi, 9/19, vs. David Huff
95.4mph off the bat
355 feet

Exactly the call the worst home run of the season should get. Happy first career dinger, Alex Liddi!



Of course, I was in a rush when I composed this piece, and neglected to mention:

Miguel Olivo, 4/26, vs. Phil Coke
106.5mph off the bat
353 feet

It doesn't deserve a note because of its speed off the bat. It deserves a note because of

That's probably the "real" worst home run of the season, but in a different way, because Olivo hit the crap out of the ball. Honorable mention!