I can't do it man. I'm tellin you, I can't do this much longer. It's killing me.
Here's the MLB.com box score. If you clicked that link and looked for more than two minutes, I hate you.
- Cliff Lee made his Cactus League debut today and threw a ton of strikes - 36 out of 46 pitches. Said he felt good, and while Wak says he was "a bit up in the zone", it was his first game. The PITCHfx information that was available throughout disappeared immediately following the conclusion, which also happened yesterday, and that's weird. Still, I don't recall seeing anything out of the ordinary, so as far as anyone's concerned, all systems are go. Cliff Lee is fine, which should make the rest of the ST coverage about him a real treat. Did you know that Cliff Lee has pitched in the World Series? Did you know that the Mariners have never been? I know, crazy right
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Mike Sweeney is hitting .769, which is literally about three times as high as I'd expect over a full season. With ST statistics I'm all about downplay downplay downplay, but Sweeney drilled a pair of doubles off Neftali Feliz, and Neftali Feliz is kind of spectacular, so, what? This is some kind of hot streak. It's like Sweeney's thinking "I'm gonna try my damndest to make that blogger eat his words." That's not a very Christian thing to do, Mike. And you're not supposed to use that word. What's the matter with you?
- Pitching in relief of Cliff Lee today: Sean White, Anthony Varvaro, Luke French, Ricky Orta, and Garrett Olson. I just...I just can't. No. There's nothing to say. They pitched, and they're not very good, but they pitched good, except for Orta, who didn't. God. Are there seriously another three weeks of this? Idea: we hand out the sure-thing roster spots and decide the #5 starter and bullpen competitions with tiebreakers from Scene It. Uh oh, looks like Mike Koplove has the ugliest passport photo!
- Jack Wilson returned and nothing tore within or fell off of his body.
- Participating in today's game for the Rangers: Mitch Moreland, Davis Stoneburner, Taylor Teagarden, Emerson Frostad, and - this one's almost too perfect - Craig Gentry. It's like they all got together to adopt theme-based fake identities and the last guy couldn't think of anything.
Guy B: Hey we should go to the bar and tell all the ladies we're Flemish. Let's hear those names!
Guy A: Frits Geert Van Ambroos!
Guy B: Herman Voor De Peeters!
Guy C: Jan Der Waffle - More Lincecum tomorrow. Don't miss this week's LL Podcast, posted below.