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Diary Of A Spineless Man Stuck Dating The Mariners Because He Lacks The Fortitude And Emotional Courage To Break Free And Live His Own Life

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Saturday 2/6

We had a pretty good morning. She slept in again - she hasn't had that much energy lately - so I got out of bed and decided to make her a surprise breakfast like I used to do when we first started seeing each other. I made her blueberry pancakes with turkey sausage patties and orange juice. It smelled really strong but I couldn't turn on the fan over the stove because I didn't want to wake her up. I took the tray to her in bed and woke her up with a kiss on the cheek. She looked at the plate and asked if I made any grits. Then she sighed and told me to leave it on the nightstand so she could eat it later. She thanked me and went back to sleep. It was sweet of her to thank me.

Sunday 2/7

We didn't do much today. It was a lazy Sunday. She got a call from her friend Ken who she used to date several years ago so they talked for a while. She told me once that she never really understood why they split up. But they're just friends now, she says. And he lives pretty far away. While they were talking I cleaned up the house and threw a few salmon steaks on the grill. After dinner we took a walk to the park that overlooks the canyon so we could sit on the bench and watch the sunset. I looked in her eyes and told her she's the most beautiful woman in the world. She asked if I really meant it. I said yes, the single most beautiful woman in the world. She asked why I think her mother is ugly.

Monday 2/8

Got a call at work today. She asked if I thought we needed a new computer. I said no, the one we have works fine, and we don't really use it that much anyway. Work went pretty well. Kevin couldn't make it in so I had to pick up the slack, but I got all the boxes unloaded and shelved by 11:45 so I was able to take an extra long lunch. I didn't remember Wendy's having a triple stack on the value menu. That was a nice surprise. There wasn't much to do after lunch. A new shipment came in around 4:30. I couldn't find Ted so I took care of it and got everything inventoried. I made it home around 7. There were a bunch of big folded boxes sitting by the side next to the recycling bin. The new computer is pretty big, but she said not to worry about it, she ordered a wider desk. I guess the connection speed is nice. There was a call a little later on from someone asking to confirm the shipping address for a 52" flat screen but I told them they must have made a mistake. Out of nowhere I got a headache so I tried to go to bed. The sheets looked a lot whiter so I guess she did laundry during the day. I couldn't get comfortable because something kept digging into my arm. It kind of felt like a tag. I don't know, I couldn't find the switch for the lamp. I got fed up but then I remembered that I forgot to write today, so I went to the den, but she was chatting online and listening to music so I came to the garage.

Tuesday 2/9

Slow day at work. Couldn't wait for lunch because she'd gone through the bagels I usually eat in the morning. I thought about ducking out early but another shipment came in so I got hung up. After dinner she got on the computer so I decided to go to the grocery store to cross an errand off the list. She told me to grab some ice cream and cinnamon-dusted Cheez Its. I told her I don't think they make those but she insisted. When I got there I asked a clerk about cinnamon-dusted Cheez Its and he looked at me like a crazy person. In the freezer section I saw a gorgeous young brunette trying to pick from an assortment of frozen yogurt. I had to reach down on the bottom shelf for a bucket of ice cream and she accidentally elbowed me in the head. She profusely apologized but I said it was no big deal. We got to talking. She said she was visiting a friend and would only be in town a few days before flying back to Florida. I couldn't believe how good she looked. Her friend called for her to come over from the next aisle. I was startled and dropped the bucket of ice cream on my foot.

Wednesday 2/10

Got a call at work around 10:30 or so. She said she couldn't find the cinnamon-dusted Cheez Its and wanted to know why I was hiding them.

Thursday 2/11

We've known each other almost our entire lives. We grew up on the same street and became friends long before we started dating in high school. After graduation she said she didn't go to college because even if she got into the same school as me, all that homework would take time away from our relationship, and she didn't want to lose what we had built. I'm beginning to think she didn't go to college because she's stupid.

Friday 2/12

Nothing day at work. We met up with a couple friends at night to go get a few drinks at the corner bar. I don't really like their beer selection but she said she wanted to go there because she knows the bartender and he's a cool guy so that's where we wound up going. When we walked in the bartender gave her a hug and made her a Long Island on the house. I asked him for a beer but I don't think he heard me. She explained that she knows him because she was friends with three girls he used to date. She said none of them ever worked out and he took it pretty hard. He kept making eyes at our table. I watched him glance over one time and he stared at me.

Saturday 2/13

Our bedroom ceiling has 42.5 tiles in it. Each tile has 70 little spiral designs. Our bedroom ceiling has 2975 little spiral designs.

Sunday 2/14

I called up that upscale Mediterranean restaurant downtown to confirm the Valentine's reservation I made a few months ago. They said everything was all set. I wanted to be sure to keep it a surprise so I tried to stay out of her way most of the morning and early afternoon. Around 4 I went in to tell her that she should dress nice and she was sitting on the bed putting on sweats. She said she felt like staying in for the night. I heated up some pasta. When we went to bed I held her hand and tried to give her a kiss but she rolled away and said I don't make her feel special.

Monday 2/15

Didn't feel like going to work today so I called in sick. Turns out the bedroom ceiling actually has 2977 little spiral designs. One of the side tiles is irregular. Were the tiles handpainted? That seems like a strange mistake. She turned onto her side while she was still asleep and for the first time I noticed that she was starting to get a little bit of a turkey neck. I don't know when that happened. She woke up a little later and mumbled something to me but all I could see was her turkey neck. Around 1 I got up to make myself a sandwich and saw that the counter was dirty, so I grabbed a bottle of 409 out of the cabinet. Before I put it away I read the back label. Turns out it can be fairly toxic.

(Partially inspired by Diary Of A Man Who Refuses To Date Girls Who Either Like Or Associate With People Who Like The Movie 'White Chicks')