clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Game Over, Stupid

Preach it, Hickey:

The Mariners aren't sure who will start Saturday against Tampa Bay, but they've told Miguel Batista it won't be him.

Batista, coming off two decent starts, lasted just three innings Monday against the Twins. It was the 14th time in 19 starts that Batista didn't pitch six innings. A year ago he reached at least the sixth inning 23 times in 32 tries.

The most likely candidate to start Saturday is former reliever Ryan Rowland-Smith.

Welcome back to the show, Ryan. You will be replacing a giant tool.

The big news afterwards? Miguel Batista says a new discovery is what led him to toss 7 2/3 scoreless innings and strike out eight.

Batista won't say what the discovery was. He isn't sure it's going to work again. But he sounds excited about it. He should be. His velocity wasn't there today, but the Angels were still swinging through his pitches all afternoon.

"I might have found something that I wish I might have found years ago in my career,'' Batista said. "I don't know if I'm right yet. It's going to take me at least four or five more starts to figure out if it's going to be able to work as good as I believe it might work.

"And if it does, I might be able to pitch another five years.''

As a starter, you couldn't even last another five months. But at least you pitched through pain, because you're a warrior, and a warrior looks out for his team. Nevermind that in so doing you repeatedly put your team at a substantial disadvantage. You manned up, dammit. You manned up and did your job, unlike that pussy Bedard. And for that you should be commended, not demoted. Can't nobody match your tenacity and heart. You left it all on the field every time you took the mound, and that's the only thing that matters.

Miguel, you suck. And your writing sucks too. Never again will I have to spend two hours watching you throw four innings, and that - that's better than coffee. What a good way to wake up.