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As a run-of-the-mill male age 18-35 who's out of touch with his emotions, tonight's game left me puzzled. Watching it, I knew that I was witnessing something extraordinary, but at the time I couldn't quite figure out how to respond to the sudden onslaught of unusual events. I was far too overwhelmed to be able to think that fast on the fly. And so, with the game now behind us, it's necessary for me to go to the scoring table to figure out exactly how I felt about this. Because what good are sports if something this irregular can't elicit an emotional reaction? It's just a simple matter of figuring out what that emotional reaction was actually supposed to be.

The following table contains three columns. The first - Concern - consists of relevant individual things that I still care about despite the season as a whole being a total nightmare. The second - Explanation - relates the concern to this particular game. And the third - Happy Points - assigns a point total between -10 and +10 for each row, with -10 meaning that I was most displeased with the row, and +10 meaning that I was most ecstatic. This isn't a very good table caption, but then, it isn't a very good table. On with it.



Happy Points

Jeff Clement

I want to see this guy start to hit because the team needs this guy to start to hit; big single in the big inning


Adrian Beltre

Always always always fun to watch when he's going well; three hits on the night


Miguel Batista

I love when pitchers I dislike get smacked around; Batista got smacked around and booed off the field



Little ball of excitement during the roughest of times; 2-3 night puts him at .352 since "Ichiro Is Fine" article


Stephen Strasburg

Another blown chance to tie the Nationals for the worst record in baseball


Stephen Strasburg

Holy shit I'm getting so sick of hearing his name that part of me hopes we don't get him


Jeremy Reed

I keep rooting for him to seize his chance and establish himself; didn't play


Jose Lopez

Would love to see him sustain his offensive productivity; three more hits


Power Bullpen

Lowe, Morrow, and JJ strikeouts are pretty sweet; zero today



Not a Felix Day :(



Fun to beat BOS/NYY/LAA, lose to TB; opposite less so


Something Special

Extraordinary events can enchant fans of even the lousiest teams; Ibanez had six RBI in ten-run seventh as team comes back from down 6-0


General Hilarity

Willie Ballgame bad baserunning; Twins beat selves with errors despite solemn promise never to do so; Nick Punto goes deep



Big innings and big comebacks are always a thrill when you're playing at home; win kinda sorta helps Griffey's title pursuit; game only took three hours despite total craziness; Willie and Cairo draw walks



Overall, this game wound up scoring a 45 on the Happy Points scale. Lacking any prior point of reference, I can't say for sure whether or not that's particularly good, but my inclination is that a score of 45 is pretty substantial. And why wouldn't it be? Miguel Batista got his ass kicked and the team mounted a giant rally that fed off of some bitchin' heroics. How isn't that an incredible game?

Watching as it happened, I felt torn between the comeback and missing an opportunity to catch the Nationals, but now that I look back on everything, I was placing too much weight on the Strasburg Sweepstakes. Winning this game wasn't a travesty. Based on the table, it was actually quite thrilling. And at a point in the season at which it's all you can do to still give a damn about this team, isn't that really all you can ask for? Something that keeps you entertained? As neat as it would be to end up with the #1 overall pick, the projected draft order could change a billion different ways by next June, and good gravy Strasburg is becoming one of the ten most annoying words on the planet. Every so often it's nice to remember that there's more to baseball than losing for a change.

I wasn't sure how to react at the time, but looking back on the game with an eye towards the table, I can see that I should have reacted happily. And while figuring out in the aftermath that you witnessed a happy situation isn't the same as actually being happy as it happens, it's still a step up from the usual. Join me tomorrow as I reflect upon my breakfast with a table that attempts to deduce whether or not I should feel satiated.


Biggest Contribution: Raul Ibanez, +22.8%
Biggest Suckfest: Miguel Batista, -27.4%
Most Important AB: Clement single, +22.3%
Most Important Pitch: Lamb double, -11.3%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -27.4%
Total Contribution by Lineup: +53.5%
Total Contribution by Opposition: +23.9%
(What is this chart?)