Just got the word. John McLaren is out as manager of the Mariners. Bench coach Jim Riggleman has been promoted to the position. Press conference at 11:30 a.m.
Everyone knew it was coming, but for as bad as he was at strategics, John McLaren is by all reports a wonderful person, and so this isn't all that easy to deal with. I mean, on the one hand, he was genetically programmed to love Jose Vidro until his legs fall off (and quite possibly beyond), but on the other, it's a shame when a good person gets stuck in a shitty situation over which he has little control, so I'm a little torn. I don't know, I guess I'm just a sucker for a sympathetic face. I mean, for God's sake, look at this:
One of these guys looks like he talks to cute bunnies in the park and always leaves room for people merging on the freeway. The other guy looks like he throws rocks at cute bunnies in the park and erratically tails the car in front of him on the freeway while shotgunning a Pabst. Why do nice people always have to be so bad at their jobs? And why must they frequently be replaced by worse people who are equally bad? Mind you, I don't know the first thing about Jim Riggleman the man, but based on his picture and my awesome level of perception, I bet he's never cried in a press conference. When Hargrove resigned Riggleman probably would've said "whatever queer" and given that fake handshake where he extends his hand then pulls it away behind his ear and laughs like a dick. I hope this isn't libel.
John McLaren is almost certainly done as a Major League manager, but for his sake, I hope he's able to stick around. Not necessarily because he's megaqualified to hold any position requiring insight and intelligence, but because there are so many stupid assholes in the league that he's more than deserving of a chance to be happy again, if only because he's pleasant to be around. Jim Riggleman could probably use a new bench coach...
Something that just came to mind - you know what's a good mark of a terrible team? When the dismissal of its GM, manager, first baseman, and DH means that none of them will ever land the same position ever again. Forget Mojo Risin'; the real team slogan should've been 2008 Seattle Mariners: Career Destroyer. God we suck.
John - provided you never again find yourself in charge of the M's or the Rays or the Seahawks or the Sens somehow, I wish you only the best of luck in all your future endeavors. On a scale from zero to Ichiro likes you, you did as much as that of which you were capable, and it's not your fault you flew too close to the sun. For the first time in as long as anyone can remember, you won't have to have any more sleepless nights agonizing over how bad we are. Cherish that freedom. You've earned it.
In the press conference, I hope you can give us one last squint. For old times' sake.
I'll miss your sling.