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Since the minute we signed him, I'd been looking forward to the day that Jarrod Washburn's contract runs out. It was to be a day of celebration. There were going to be pony rides, and mariachis, and cotton candy, and Muse, and microbrewery representatives, and all the sorts of things you'd want at a party commemorating the end of something miserable. Like high school graduation, only better, because unlike Jarrod Washburn, high school at least came with little perks like easy girls and calculus for the functionally retarded. Jarrod Washburn's Mariner career has always been forecasted as a perkless hell, which was supposed to make it that much sweeter when we finally escape.

But good things don't happen to good people. Bad things happen to good people until they become bad people completely deserving of the bad things that happen to them. Never intending to let me off the hook, Bill Bavasi carpet-bombed my path to Shangri-La by signing Carlos Silva to a four-year contract extending long after Washburn goes away and gets an NRI with the Nationals. "You think the first one was bad?" Bavasi asked his laptop. "You haven't seen anything yet." Indeed, this one's actually worse, and with Silva only just getting started, any good vibes I was going to get from Washburn's departure will only turn into chills up my spine as I realize that there'll still be another 60 big fat stupid starts of this rotten garbage left to go. Needless to say, that day will not be quite the euphoric experience I had in mind.

3.7 more years of Carlos Silva.

God dammit, Bill.

5_30_08_medium

Biggest Contribution: Mark Lowe, +3.3%
Biggest Suckfest: Carlos Silva, -41.9%
Most Important AB: Ichiro single, +4.0%
Most Important Pitch: Thames double, -12.2%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -36.6%
Total Contribution by Hitters: -15.6%
Total Contribution by Opposition: +2.2%
(What is this chart?)

I'm going to be sparse over the coming days, as family and work obligations take priority over writing about a lousy baseball team. Be good.