I write for fun. However, this team isn't fun to write about. So I won't write about them. Here's a story about a severed human foot. I think you'll find it invigorating.
Biggest Contribution: Jose Vidro, +16.3%
Biggest Suckfest: Carlos Silva, -35.5%
Most Important AB: Vidro homer, +17.4%
Most Important Pitch: Abreu homer, -18.3%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -40.8%
Total Contribution by Hitters: -9.2%
Total Contribution by Opposition: 0.0%
(What is this chart?)