Earlier this morning, whilst I lay in bed and accompanied Eliza Dushku to Home Depot to buy planks of redwood for her above-ground pool deck, there came a knock that aroused me in all the wrong ways. Yawning, I stumbled out of my room and groggily opened the door, whereupon I was greeted by the pleasant faces of two middle-aged men with different ties and matching conviction. Exhausted and just the slightest bit hung over, at first I didn't do the math in my head, and so for about three or four minutes I stood there while they engaged me in conversation about current events and universal concerns. I nodded and mumbled and nodded some more, but gradually I began to come to and take stock of the situation, at which point one of the men asked me if I'm familiar with God.
I paused for a moment. Then, with a hint of a smile, I turned to the man and replied.
"I sure am."
I asked if they wouldn't mind letting me get to breakfast, so they issued me a polite farewell and walked away. I closed the door.
Today I don't have time for proselytization. Today I worship at the altar of Felix.
LET'S GO MARINERS!!