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Life Lessons I've Learned From Watching The Mariners

It's always possible to end up trusting someone less tomorrow than you do today.

If you need something done right, call a guy in Cleveland or San Diego.

Misgivings and skepticism make the heart grow fonder.

Life is most happily spent wallowing in either the past or the distant future.

Sobriety is the devil's workshop.

A heart can never be 100% broken. (Think 'golden rectangle'.)

Never buy autographed cards of your favorite players on eBay unless you're prepared to follow them to whichever destination they get traded to the next week.

The grass is always greener on the more experienced side of the fence.

You're either born with hustle or you're born with talent.

Parents who want their children to play baseball professionally should raise them to be old.

Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad and the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands and say "Well, all right!" Because it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.

Orange hair is only a good look if you're fucking crazy.

Japanese people have mind control powers.

Within every person is an arsonist or murderer who is but a single severe GTE episode away from coming to the surface.

Never break up with someone who can withstand being vicariously abused - both verbally and psychologically - as the two of you watch the Mariners fritter away a winnable game.

Be spendthrift and worry about the future only when the future becomes the present.

The maximum allowable alcohol content of a chaser is exactly half that of the original beverage being chased.

Failure is funny, and laughter's the best medicine.