My mother, who sees me say things like 'Rene Rivera will be looking for a new line of work soon' has suggested that I pas along a recommendation to those in baseball who are one season ending .600 OPS or 5.89 ERA from the end of their careers.
Diddy apparently posted an open announcement on his MySpace for a personal assistant. Apparently his previous assistants could not take being treated like a piece of dogshit for Diddy's convenience and amusement any longer and so Diddy is looking for some new sucker ERRR assistants.
I think Rene Rivera would make a perfect monke- foil for Biggie's former puppeteer. He could stand there and sulk his fat shoulders as Diddy rightfully berates him for his inability to take out the trash without somehow spilling the can.
But why just Rene Rivera? The Mariners organization is full of potential hired help! Watch Diddy amuse himself by giving Paul Fagan a baseball and 10 tries to hit the backside of his 20 car garage, and Paul misses all 10 times. Watch as Paul subsequently injures his elbow and Diddy responds by giving Rene some cadaver ligaments and a cleaver and says, "Get to work, niño."
Watch as Diddy gives Charlton Jimerson an axe and tells him to chop down the tree in the backyard, then watches Charlton swing, miss and fall over 3 times with the sheer force of his rotations, before obliterating the bottom half of the tree on the fourth try, while sending the busted tree flying into the side of Diddy's mansion, blowing a giant ass hole in it. Watch then as Charlton successfully outruns an angry Diddy, his bouncers, four guard dogs and a Hummer on foot, all the way to San Bernardino.
Screw it. On to the wrap-up!
VENEZUELA~! VSL Mariners 1, VSL Astros 0
VSLM's: 46-22... VSL Astros: 45-21
Leonardo Rodriguez: 8.1 IP, 3 H, 4 walks, 3 K, hit batter
Jose Jimenez: two outs, walk
Rigoberto Rangel: 3-4, double, R (.278/.378/.444)
rest of VSLM's lineup: 5-26, walk, 6 K
A squeaker decided in the 6th: Rigoberto Rangel doubled with one out, and Lary Gonzalez singled with two outs to put runners at the corners. Leisure Suit Larry took off for 2nd on a steal, and Astros catcher Federico Hernandez hurled the ball into center field, allowing Rangel to head home for the go-ahead run.
And once again, the VSLM's got a great starting performance, as Leonardo Rodriguez pitched into the 9th, striking out and walking a batter there before ceding to closer Jose Jimenez, who overcame another walk to cash out a 1-0 victory over one of the VSL's best teams.
Dominican: Cardinals 3, Mariners 1
DSLM's: 28-19... DSL Cards: 21-25
Walter Suriel: 4 IP, 4 H, (3 R) 1 ER, walk, 3 K
Juan Franco: 4 IP, 4 K
George Soto: 2-2, 2 doubles (.276/.345/.414)
rest of DSLM's lineup: 5-32, R, 4 walks, 11 K
A two run double by the Cards' Edgard Montiel in the bottom 1st basically decided this game. The DSLM's got a run in the 4th, but the Cards answered with a run of their own in the bottom half, and no one scored after that, as the DSLM's, like the VSLM's, couldn't get much going at the plate. Walter Suriel wasn't bad after the bad first inning (2 doubles), but took a seat after 4 innings and lefthander Juan Franco, who has done a solid job in relief this season despite mostly facing RHBs (only 10 LHBs faced in 29.2 IP), went the rest of the way without allowing a baserunner while striking out 4.
Arizona: The AZLM's had the day off. They kick off August against the AZL Padres (3-1) tonight.
a: Everett 8, Vancouver 3
EVE: 16-25... VAN: 20-20
Edward Paredes: 5.1 IP, 4 H, 3 ER, 5 walks, 8 K, wild pitch
Nick Hill: 1.2 IP, 2 H,3 K
Mark Pettis: 2 IP, 1 H, 5 K, balk
Edilio Colina: Back from injury! 2-5, 2 R, K (.283/.313/.435)
Greg Halman: 2-4, 2 run HR, 3 R, walk, K (.336/.414/.613)
Manelik Pimentel: 2-4, R, RBI, walk, K (.262/.330/.447)
Wellington Dotel: 4-5, triple, 2 RBI, K (.283/.333/.434)
Jeff Dunbar: 1-3, double, R, RBI, 2 K (.195/.300/.317)
Jermaine Brock: 1-4, RBI, K (.200/.279/.230)
The Aquasox, so far, like Canada! They had a 5-0 lead before the 2nd, allowing an erratic but difficult Edward Paredes to pitch into the 6th as 13 batters failed to put the ball in play. Granted, 5 of them walked, but still, 8 Ks is a display of unhittability.
Military man Nick Hill finished the 6th and worked the 7th as the Aquasox stretched a tenuous 5-3 lead to a comfortable 8-3 lead. Mark Pettis, who had struggled to this point, pitched two relatively impressive innings to finish, overcoming a hit and a balk to strike out 5 of the 7 batters he faced.
Meanwhile, Edilio Colina returned from his injury layoff with a couple hits, and Beef Roids had four of his own as his numbers have now met my minimum sample size for listing (15+ games, 45+ ABs)... and the numbers show an inconsistent bat that has had some big days. He'll need to juice ERRR work on that.
A: Dayton 2, Wisconsin 1
WIS: 12-24... DAY: 19-18
Tony Butler: 5 IP, 5 H, 2 ER (HR), 6 K
Family Warrior Harold Williams: 2 IP, 2 walks, 2 K
Rollie Gibson: 1 IP, K
Kuo Hui Lo: 3-4, R, K
Ronald Garth: 2-4, double, RBI, 2 K
rest of T-Rats lineup: 3-25, walk, 4 K
Did the entire org decide to take the day off at the plate after the org sweep yesterday?
Tony Butler had another quality outing but takes his 7th loss thanks to the hitting, or lack thereof.
A+: San Jose 18, High Desert 5
Mavs: 10-29... SJG's: 23-16
Nathan Adcock: 5 IP, 7 H, (5 R) 3 ER, 4 walks, 2 K
Roman Martinez: 1 IP, annihilated
Paul Fagan: two outs recorded, annihilated
Aaron Cotter: 2.1 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 2 walks, 5 K, wild pitch
Carlos Triunfel: 1-5, double, R, RBI, K
Jesus Guzman: 1-4, double, R, RBI, K
Adam Moore: 3-4, RBI, K
Jeff Frazier: 1-4, solo HR, 2 K
Jeff Flaig: 2-4, 2 doubles, R, K
Johan Limonta: 1-3, double, RBI
This was actually a tie game after 6 innings. And then the 7th inning happened: 12 runs, TWELVE RUNS, by the Little Giants, and suddenly this game was over.
Also, has anyone had a second half as disastrously bad as Paul Fagan's? He went from possibly useful, to career possibly over. His 13.80 ERA in the 2nd half over 15 horrible innings comes with 3 HRs, 10 walks and 6 Ks.
AA: Tennessee 5, West Tenn 2
WTN: 16-23... TEN: 20-19
Joe Woerman: 5.1 IP, 6 H, (5 R) 4 ER (HR), 2 walks (1 intentional), 5 K, wild pitch, hit batter
Michael Hrynio: 1.2 IP, K
Chris Jakubauskas: 2 IP, K
Matt Tuiasosopo: 2-3, R, walk, K (.275/.388/.418)
Prentice Redman: 1-4, 2 run HR (.257/.362/.437)
rest of DIAMOND JAXX lineup: 3-24, 2 walks, 7 K
'One or two hitters show up and the rest phone it in' appears to be today's theme. Once Joe Woerman got blown up and chased in the 6th to break a 2-2 tie, the game was basically over.
Why? Because as somewhat promised, Kerry Wood did indeed make an appearance out of the pen for the Smokies. It wasn't a one inning rehab start either: Wood relieved starter Ryan O'Malley with one out in the 7th, finished the 7th and worked the 8th, not allowing a hit while walking one and striking out one before ceding to Grant Johnson, who closed the game. So clearly this isn't so much a 'make sure he's okay' rehab stint as a 'get ready to be a setup guy in the bigs' rehab stint. It certainly sucks that, after al the promise and all the hype, Wood's future is as the Cubs version of Raffy Soriano, but hey, these things happen and TINSTAAPP.
AAA: Tacoma 5, Oklahoma 0
TAC: 49-62... OKL: 54-54
Jorge Campillo: 5 IP, 2 H, walk, 3 K
Jake Woods: 4 IP, 3 H, 3 K
Nick Green: 1-5, triple, R, K (.309/.348/.604)
Adam Jones: 0-4, K (.309/.376/.573)
Bryan LaHair: 1-4, double, K (.266/.315/.402)
WLAD: 1-3, double, R, RBI (.307/.377/.555)
Sebastien Boucher: 1-3, double, R, RBI, walk, K, SB (.292/.343/.385)
Oswaldo Navarro: 2-4, 2 RBI, K (.240/.305/.326)
Oh hey, the OTHER TEAM's bats decided to fall asleep for a change! Jorge Campillo went the minimum, and Jake Woods, being in the one environment suited for his non-skills, came on and worked the final four innings without incident to give the depleted bullpen (given the loss of RRS) a much needed rest. Sebastien Boucher and Bryan LaHair continue to pad their numbers in the hope that anyone in the FO who wasn't paying attention will take a glance and believe they're better than they actually are.