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A classic battle that was witnessed - and celebrated - by millions.

Biggest Contribution: Miguel Batista, +20.6%
Biggest Suckfest: Richie Sexson, -11.0%
Most Important At Bat: Betancourt funk blast, +24.1%
Most Important Pitch: Mackowiak DP, +17.1%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): +43.1%
Total Contribution by Position Players: +6.9%
Total Contribution by Opposition: 0.0%

(What is this?)

Now I'm going to delay my game summary for a few hours because of dinner, hockey, and other work. I know, it's always something, but take solace in the fact that this is the latest in a season the M's have been two games over .500 since 2003 I'm retarded. They've also swept the A's, Rangers, and White Sox in a grand total of five games since last week, which is the kind of comedy in a Mariner season that I can actually enjoy. It's a good day.