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Biggest Contribution: Richie Sexson, +17.2%
Biggest Suckfest: King Felix, -24.2%
Most Important At Bat: Sexson FB, +13.9%
Most Important Pitch: Morneau singles, -9.9%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -22.0%
Total Contribution by Position Players: -8.6%
Total Contribution by Coaching Staff: -19.4%

(What is this?)

Thanks to KnightOfKingK, I now formally introduce Scrappy the Scapegoat, "the pup that laughs when you're down on your luck." Scrappy is henceforth to be blamed for anything and everything that goes wrong with the Mariners, because, just look at that smug shit-eating grin and ridiculous top hat. That guy's up to no good, and frankly, I'm getting sick of it.

Scrappy better hope for Scrappy's sake that Felix gets healthy.

A few bullet points tomorrow if I'm able to muster up the fortitude. Right now, it's probably 50/50, because I feel like I've been repeatedly kicked in the stomach by whatever it is that stomped on Julian Tavarez's face. We'll get through this together, guys. We have to. It's just going to take courage, resolve, and most importantly of all, time. Pray for Felix. It's all we can do.