Blah blah blah. Since I don't want to bias the projections by saying how ugly this could get I'll just quote headlines from Uncyclopedia.
* Jack Lalanne ready to be boxed
* Big Bopper still dead
* Indonesian earthquake kills a few dozen little brown people
* Coulter narrowly beats O'Reilly, Limbaugh for hottest conservative
* Overly political spider becoming annoying
* Children's storytime reader fired for inappropriate behavior
* Astronauts starting to suspect no one is coming for them
* Bush declares martial law after interpreting lunar eclipse as bad omen
* Study finds that half of all alcohol produced, consumed by the dead
* World War III begins as Switzerland invades Liechtenstein; US Army Secretary resigns