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Community Projection: Totally Awesome Closer

Into the bullpen we go. You should all have your email invitations.

The only reliever with more strikeouts than Putz last year was Takashi Saito, with 107 (in the same number of innings). Of course, that was in the comically pathetic National League, which inflates K rates by 300% and exudes the same level of toughness and masculine vigor as you did that time you named your cat Sergeant Whiskers and dressed him up in a hat and booties to have his picture taken on that sofa which you insist on calling 'light salmon' despite all your friends' claims to the contrary. Advantage: Putz. Now if only we could get that pesky Brad Lidge to drop his strikeouts more in line with his ERA instead of the other way around, then we'd be set.