Royals-Mariners: The Greatest Weekend of All Time

This is the first weekend of the rest of your lives. This weekend features one of the greatest baseball matchups of all time: Mariners-Royals, in Kansas City with so very much on the line.

The atmosphere will be electric as Buddy Bell and Grover Hargrove match wits. I have it on good authority that George Will and Buzz Bissinger will be roving between dugouts, working on Men At Work II: Four Nights in September based on the series. I can't wait to read 10,000 words on the wisdom of Bell bunting with his #2 hitter in the 3rd inning.

And I haven't even mentioned Joey Gathright. Do you know the effect his speed (the 29% of the time he's on-base) has on opposing pitchers? Do you remember the scene at the end of the The Neverending Story when you have to face your true self? What does the wizard guy say?

Most men run away screeeeeeeeaaaaaming!!!

Thats the effect Gathright has on pitchers. They are so scared that sometimes instead of a weak ground out to short they give up a weak single through the hole!!

You can't measure that.

Emotions will be running high as Raul Ibanez returns to Kansas City for the fourth time since he left the team. There won't be a dry eye in the house as he steps into the batter's box. Did you know he ranks 19th all time on the Royals homer list with 55. No, you probably didn't. You don't appreciate Raul, even though you have him now. Don't worry, we know his career path will loop back to Missouri before its all said and done.

Someone's gotta block Justin Huber.

These games will be so incredible. I can't wait. I know that thousands of Mariner's fans our making the roadie to the K and that local ratings in both cities will be through the roof.

Good luck Mariners, you'll need it against our powerful lineup, awesome pitchers and crafty manager.

You can't handle the Gobble. You can't handle the inspirational guidance that Steel Mientkiewicz's dad will be providing from the clubhouse.

I predict a Royals sweep by a combined score of 47-1.