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I missed the majority of tonight's game because, as a resident of southern California, I am obligated to attend the Del Mar Fair at least once before it packs up and goes away for the summer. As is the case with any reputable county fair (even the urban ones), there were a ton of farm animals on display, and when my friend and I got tired of walking around we sat down on a bale of hay near a pen with four pigs. Completely oblivious to the eventual probability that each of them will end up in a sandwich, these pigs were loving life, playing with one another and eating out of two buckets. As far as pigs go, I've never seen a happier group, at least until one of the buckets ran out of slop and the other was knocked over, at which point the four of them went into an absolute frenzy. They moaned, they squealed, they kicked, they bit each other, and one of them tried to fight a neighboring llama through a chain link fence. What had been the picture of gleeful serenity was now a chaotic ungulatory embroilment, and none of the people standing around was quite sure what to do.

This went on for a good ten or fifteen minutes before one of the fairground employees came over with a fresh bucket of food that he set down just outside the pen's fence. The pigs saw the bucket and were instantly on their best behavior, standing near the back of the enclosure and making happy pig noises in eager anticipation. At least, I think they were happy pig noises. They weren't bloodcurdling squeals, anyway. However, just as the guy was climbing over the railing to bring in the new bucket, another employee a stone's throw away said that they'd just been fed, and weren't supposed to get another meal for a good long while. So the guy climbed back over the railing, took the bucket, and walked away.

And the pigs flipped out, only this time with even more fervor and zeal than before.

It wasn't until I got back home and turned on the game that I began to understand the analogical significance of the whole ordeal.

Biggest Contribution: Ichiro, +1.5%
Biggest Suckfest: Felix Hernandez, -16.7%
Most Important Hit: Ichiro single, +9.6%
Most Important Pitch: Morales homer, -18.6%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -16.7%
Total Contribution by Hitters: -33.3%

(What is this?)

The score became 5-1 literally seconds after I jumped online to watch, and by that point the game was over. If I had to describe the feeling to you, it was like being lucky enough to avoid the fatal ten-car pile-up on the freeway but then getting stuck in the resulting traffic for six and a half hours while they clear the wreckage. As such, I don't have any game notes to go on for the sake of writing this post. Ordinarily it would seem like perfect timing for another spellbinding edition of You Write The Recap!, but instead, no, please don't. Don't recap the game at all. I don't want to hear about it any more than you want to write about it.

...so let's just move along and think about tomorrow, when Ervin Santana and Gil Meche will face off in a special Independence Day afternoon game (1:05pm PDT).