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First Half in Review: Mariners Go Camping

After taking a weekend camping trip deep in the forest, the team got lost trying to find its way out and had to radio for help, arranging to meet with a group of park rangers in a nearby clearing. Unable to find the area, the team has been wandering around the forest for days, surviving on meager rations and hoping to stumble across the clearing before the rangers give up and leave them for dead.

Ibanez: "...maybe it's just over this hill right here..."
Sexson: "God, do you know how often you've said that?"
Ibanez: "Do you know how often you've bitched?"
Sexson: "Kiss my ass, I'm sick of you."
Ibanez: "Maybe if you tried helping a little bit we might not be in this situation."
Putz: "Guys, guys, we don't need this. Save your energy for the walking."
Sexson: "Whatever. I'm gonna go take a piss."
Everett: "Hey, I think I know where we're supposed to go."
Petagine: "You know, I have a map here in my pocket-"
Hargrove: "What's that, Carl?"
Everett: "I said I think I f-cking know where we're supposed to go, grampa."
Meche: "This again..." :rolls eyes:
Hargrove: "Which way?"
Petagine: "'s a detailed map...creeks, rocks, it's got everything in it..."
Everett: "We gotta go over there. See that moss? Moss always grows in the shape of an arrow."
Woods: "What?"
Hernandez: "That's not true. In the Boy Scouts we learned that moss always grows on the...on the..."
Hargrove: "Sounds good. Guys. GUYS! Follow Carl, he knows where we're going."
Johjima: "You know, we followed him on the wrong path out of the campsite, we followed him when he dropped the radio into the lake, we followed him into the den with all those bears-"
Sherrill: "-God rest Emiliano's soul."
Johjima: "...I just think maybe it's time to follow someone else for a change."
Betancourt: "Someone who doesn't get us lost or dead."
Petagine: "...I think it actually shows exactly where we are right now..."
Everett: "F-ck you guys."
Hargrove: "Fair enough, we'll give someone else a chance. Anyone got any ideas?"
Soriano: "Ooh! Ooh!"
Mateo: :coughs:
Hargrove: "Julio?"
Mateo: "Do we know how to get back to the bears? The bears probably know their way around the forest."
Hargrove: "That's a good point, they definitely know the area."
Putz: "Uh-"
Guardado: "Hey guys, I don't think I can take much more of this..."
Washburn: "Would you shut up already?"
Guardado: "My stomach is killing me..."
Lopez: "Maybe you shouldn't have eaten everything out of our coolers back at the campsite."
Ibanez: "Did you really have to eat Joel's special brown bag lunch? You knew he needed what was in there and you took it anyway. Poor guy's wasting away back there."
Pineiro: :whimper:
Hargrove: "So are we going back to the bears or what?"
Petagine: "...the map says the clearing isn't very far away...I think it's right over there, on the other side of that hill..."
Ichiro: :panting:
Hargrove: "Where've you been?"
Ichiro: "I just checked out those three mountains over there. Around the lake and that collection of boulders, too. No sign of anyone."
Guardado: "Seriously guys..."
Hargrove: "That's good, now how about you stay with the rest of the group. Stop getting separated from everyone else."
Ibanez: "He's just trying to help."
Ichiro: "I'm going to go climb that huge tree right there and shout if I see anything."
Guardado: "Everything's getting grayer..."
Ibanez: "Can somebody go over there and wake up Adrian? Guy's been on that rock napping for hours. He's the one who's supposed to be navigating."
Lopez: "ADRIAN!"
Beltre: :yawn:
Lopez: "ADRIAN!"
Beltre: "What up?"
Guardado: :collapses:
Betancourt: "Do you have that GPS thing with you?"
Beltre: "Yeah?"
Washburn: "...are you ever going to take it out of your bag?"
Beltre: "I don't know how to use it."
Lopez: "So you brought the whole handheld GPS system without knowing anything about how it works."
Beltre: "I know it needs batteries."
Washburn: "Do you have batteries?"
Beltre: "What am I, Radio Shack?"
Washburn: "...go back to sleep."
Hargrove: "Look guys, it's starting to get dark. Maybe we should stay here for the night and go searching again in the morning. Anyone know how to start a fire?"
Sherrill: "Ooh! Ooh!"
Mateo: :burps:
Hargrove: "Julio?"
Mateo: If you take off your shirt and your pants and rub them together real quick, it should get hot enough to burn."
Hargrove: "Good point. Everyone, rub your clothes together really fast."
Hernandez: "Then we're not going to have any clothes."
Pineiro: :whimper:
Hargrove: "I didn't hear you suggest anything."
Hernandez: "You didn't give me a chance. In the Boy Scouts we always started fires with...with..."
Putz: "...sticks. We could use sticks instead of our shirts and pants."
Hargrove: "And give yourself splinters? How is that better?"
Putz: "...why don't you just sit here, and Raul, Jose and I will go get some wood."
Hargrove: "You do that while Julio does his thing and we'll see whose idea is better."
Reed: "Guys! GUYS! GUYS!!"
Meche: "Huh?"
Reed: "Over there! Over there I don't see any trees! Maybe it's the clearing, I'm gonna go check it out!" :runs off:
Meche: "Be quick, it's almost dark. Let us know."
Mateo: "...I don't know why this isn't working. I just seem to be tearing the fabric..."
Washburn: "Try rubbing it harder."
Ichiro: :panting:
Betancourt: " You're back? Were you able to see anything from up there?"
Ichiro: "Not really, we're surrounded by hills on three sides. I saw a gap in the trees just over there, but I think it's just a really steep cliff."
Meche: "Uh..."
Reed: :distant scream:
Bloomquist: "Hey, anyone need me to tie any knots?"
Soriano: "The ground here is pretty tough. George, you wanna go try and find some leaves to sleep on?"
Meche: "Jeremy?"
Bloomquist: "I can do an albright knot, angler's knot, arbor knot, bachmann knot..."
Sherrrill: "Yeah, I'll help."
Betancourt: "Now it's dark and I'm starting to get really hungry."
Johjima: "I saw a few berries on that bush we passed a few hours ago but some of the younger guys ate them and I don't think they're doing too good."
Morse, Choo, Harris, Quiroz, Nageotte, Livingston, Green, Lowe, Rivera: :groan:
Washburn: "If you wanted to go all Donner Party I think Matt and Joe should still be just where we left them a little ways back over there."
Betancourt: "...maybe later."
Bloomquist: ...bag knot, barrel knot, beer knot, blood knot, boa knot..."
Mateo: "Okay, yeah, this officially doesn't work."
Hargrove: "Wait a second, anyone seen Jamie?"
Pineiro: :whimper:
Meche: "I saw him leave the campsite this morning with a divining rod and a sextant."
Hargrove: "He went by himself?"
Meche: "He said he was in a rush, something about 'running out of time' or whatever. I dunno, I was half-asleep."
Lopez: "We're back."
Ibanez: "And we come bearing firewood."
Hargrove: "So how'll we get it to burn?"
Putz: "Ooh! Ooh!"
Mateo: :grunts:
Hargrove: "Julio?"
Mateo: "If you take your glasses and aim them just right the sunlight should heat up the wood and start a fire."
Hargrove: "Okay, here, why don't you give that a try."
Mateo: "..."
Hargrove: "..."
Mateo: "...why isn't this working?"
Hargrove: "..."
Mateo: "..."
Putz: "Because that's the moon."
Hernandez: "I remember in the Boy Scouts we learned that to start a fire you have to...have"
Lopez: "Wait, doesn't Carl carry a lighter?"
Ibanez: "Does he?"
Lopez: "Hey! Hey Carl!"
Everett: "F-ck you."
Ibanez: "Can we borrow your lighter?"
Everett: "You can take my f-cking lighter. Jesus H, leave me the f-ck alone."
Lopez: "Thanks." :uses lighter on kindling:
Putz: "Man, that got it burning real good."
Lopez: "Good thing too, just used up the last of the fluid."
Soriano: "Hey guys, we've got a ton of leaves."
Bloomquist: "I like pressing leaves. Anyone want me to press them a leaf?"
Sherrill: "Should be enough for everyone to sleep on as long as you don't take up too much space."
Meche: "That's quite a haul. I'll get everything set up, you guys come get warm by the fire."
Sherrill: "Thanks."
Putz: "Hey, who's that?"
Macha: :approaching: "You guys look thirsty."
Washburn: "Are we ever!"
Hargrove: "We ran out of rations this morning."
Macha: "Well I've got this jug of water with me, it's the least I can do."
Ibanez: "Oh my goodness, we can't thank you enough!"
Macha: "...well, wait, hold on, you guys know you aren't supposed to have open fires in the forest. How are you going to keep that thing under control and put it out?"
Hernandez: "I remember in Boy Scouts we learned to put a fire out put it out by..."
Lopez: "It'll burn itself out. There's not very much wood there, and it's surrounded by dirt..."
Macha: "I'm sorry, but rules are rules."
Putz: "Wait, don't-!"
Macha: :pours jug of water onto fire:
Ibanez: "..."
Lopez: "But...but we don't..."
Macha: "Catch you assholes later." :walks away:
Petagine: :follows:
Johjima: "Uh."
Washburn: "What a dick."
Hargrove: "Keep close to each other and stay warm. We'll get back on our feet when the sun's up. I know we're close to the clearing. We have to be. Right, Ichiro?"
Ichiro: "I don't know. Maybe. Like I said earlier, we're practically surrounded by mountains so I couldn't really see much from the tree."
Hargrove: "So we'll explore in the morning. A little uphill walking never hurt anyone."
Pineiro: :whimper: