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Biggest Contribution: Richie Sexson, +17.4%
Biggest Suckfest: Jeremy Reed, -1.0%
Most Important Hit: Sexson homer #1, +15.5%
Most Important Pitch: Costa DP, +4.5%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): +1.6%
Total Contribution by Hitters: +41.9%

(What is this?)

Look at that "Biggest Suckfest" again. -1.0%. Pretty much everyone who showed up contributed to the annihilation, even if only a little bit. The Kansas City Royals are enough to remind you what it feels like to win convincingly as a team, at least until you remember that it's Kansas City, and that celebrating a blowout victory over the Royals is like gloating to Nabisco after successfully eating a Wheat Thin. Don't get me wrong - it's nice, it counts, and it's certainly better than the alternative - but things that worked yesterday and today won't work nearly as well against the rest of the league, so don't let the sudden success go to your head. wouldn't let me log in until the bottom of the eighth for some reason, so I can't really offer much in the way of insight into how the game looked. What I can do, though, is supply a picture of Seth Etherton's hotel bathroom wall before and after today's start:

I'm not sure if the damage was caused by Etherton's body or Richie Sexson's first homer, but either way it's probably not a story he'll want to tell his grandkids. Unless they turn out to be carpenters with a particular interest in drywall resilience, in which case I applaud them for not following in their grandfathers' footsteps, since there clearly aren't any good genes for them to inherit.

How bad was Etherton and the rest of the Royal bullpen today? The calculated odds of Jose Lopez drawing two walks in four plate appearances coming into today were 0.47%, or once every 213 opportunities. I won't even try to figure out the probability of Sexson and Adrian Beltre going deep three times in one game, not because I don't know how, but because the calculator I have on hand only goes to ten places. This wasn't one of those rinky-dink high-scoring 17 single affairs like we saw a few days ago; this was a thorough beatdown, made possible by bad pitching and line drives that had wings and jet engines instead of eyes. The Mariner lineup hit .355/.439/.774, the rough equivalent of nine Albert Pujolseseseses. I could go on, but I won't, because there you go.

Anyway, because I couldn't watch, I don't have much more to say. No, Adrian Beltre isn't "back" - it's only one game. No, Richie Sexson isn't "back" - it's only one game. No, Joel Pineiro isn't "back" - it's only one game. Yes, Jake Woods still sucks - it's only one game. But you probably knew this already.

Matinee tomorrow, with Jarrod Washburn taking on left-handed complete game shutout candidate Mark Redman at 1:05pm PDT. If anything else stood out to you during tonight's contest, let's hear about it.