Today's Game

The six tiers of ballgame relevance:

6. Playoffs
   
5. Regular season
   
4. Intersquad exhibition
   
3. Intersquad exhibition charity
   
2. Intrasquad
   
1. Regular season vs. Kansas City

According to that list, today's contest belonged firmly in the upper half in terms of relative importance, so I guess it's okay to be a little excited. Just make sure you don't get too excited, because Dave Burba pitched and Willie Ballgame led off, and you might send management the wrong message.

Nothing particularly interesting in the box score. Burba, like Appier, got totally bombed, suggesting that not only are the both of them highly unlikely to break camp with the roster, but also that whatever gritty veteran advice they're giving the younger guys probably isn't helping anyone.

Appier: "See, you just need to lob it up there."
Felix: "Well that doesn't seem like a very good idea..."
Burba: "No, it's true. You can't fire it by them like you used to."
Felix: "My arm is fine."
Appier: "You need to be smarter on the mound because you can't rely on pure stuff anymore."
Felix: "I'm 20 years old."
Burba: "The key is to hit your spots because if you do that, they can't hit even the softest thing you throw."
Felix: "I am two decades younger than you."
Appier: "Whatever you do, don't try to fool batters with your curveball. You lost that thing ten years ago."
Felix: "Can one of you guys go buy me a beer?"

A cursory glance at the box score would lead you to believe that Rafael Soriano was a mess, but eyewitness accounts tell me that both of his wild pitches came on 150mph fastballs that Rene Rivera couldn't see. Home plate umpire Angel Campos also awarded the Cubs with a walk because he felt bad for them.

The springtime battle that nobody's talking about: Richie Sexson vs. Todd Sears. Sears matched Sexson's output with two hits and a pair of RBIs, and this might've been enough to convince Hargrove to make him the early favorite to win the starting job at 1B, since his hits didn't come off someone who sucks as bad as Todd Wellemeyer.

If you enjoyed yesterday's feature piece on Fernando Vina, Doug Miller comes right back today with a similar piece on Greg Dobbs. To save some time, I'll just link it without adding any commentary. When you read through, just imagine how I would respond to each paragraph. Bonus points if your imaginary me has a snarky attitude and makes several references to Justin Leone.