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No time at all tonight, so prepare for the shortest recap ever:

Biggest Contribution: Richie Sexson, +15.1%
Biggest Suckfest: Adrian Beltre, -9.3%
Most Important Hit^: Sexson walk #1, +9.7%
Most Important Pitch: Shelton fly out, +4.9%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): +11.0%
Total Contribution by Hitters: +24.1%

(^-not actually a "hit", so to speak)

(What is this?)

Sexson's rating would've turned out higher had his two home runs not come when the team already had a comfortable lead - as it stands, his walks were actually more important than his bombs. With tonight's effort, he should leapfrog a few people into the top ten in the AL in VORP, cementing himself as one of the most valuable players in the league, although he's unlikely to get any sort of MVP support (I'm talking like 5th- and 6th-place votes, here) since his team sucks so bad. Talk about successful ways to make people shut up about your shoulder.

In lieu of a standard recap, I bring you another opportunity to submit your own caption for a dark, fuzzy picture of Craig Monroe staring at his glove after dropping Adrian Beltre's fly ball:

Cliff Lee and Gil Meche tomorrow at 7:05pm.