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First Half in Review, Again: Passing Out the Grades

I was in the process of writing up position-by-position performance reviews when I realized that (A) it was boring, and (B) a lot of the players sucked. So, in lieu of the individual write-ups, here's a team report card, which is a lot easier to slap together, since I don't have to explain myself on the questionable ones:

(Note: defense matters.)

Catcher: F
First Base: B+
Second Base: D+
Shortstop: C
Third Base: C-
Left Field: D+
Center Field: C
Right Field: A-
Designated Hitter: B+
Bench: D-
Starting Rotation: D+
Middle Relief: B-
Setup: B
Closer: A
Matt Thornton: F

Top Three Players Most Likely to Improve In The Second Half:
Adrian Beltre
Jeremy Reed
Randy Winn

Top Three Players Most Likely to Crap Out:
Shigetoshi Hasegawa
Julio Mateo
Mike Morse

Top Three Minor Leaguers Most Likely to Make an Impact:
Felix Hernandez
Chris Snelling
Rafael Soriano (I cheated.)

Top Three Players Most Likely to be Somewhere Else Before Long:
Randy Winn
Ron Villone
Dave Hansen

Top Three High-Quality Prospects Likely to Come to Seattle in Return:

Top Three Young Relatives of Rick Rizzs who Willie Bloomquist has Saved from a Burning House:
Rick Jr.

Top Three Injuries that Killed the Year:
Bobby Madritsch
Rafael Soriano
Bucky Jacobsen

Go ahead and post your own team report card in the comments below.